ITACHI'S GREATEST ADVENTURES!
by Renegade Of Illumination
Summary: What if Uchiha Itachi, most feared S ranked missing nin in Konoha, was turned into a small, cute, miniature four year old? And he's being cared for by the infamous Team 7? Only one thing can ensue, CHAOS! Character bashing warned... ESPECIALLY SASUKE!
1. How the craziness began

Hello! And welcome to my fanfiction. I know this chapter is short, but I couldn't find a better place to end a first chapter. Oh well, Enjoy!

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**Disclaimer:- I do not own Naruto, Konoha,Kisame, Sakura or Itachi... Wish I did own moi precious Itachi though... sigh**

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It all started when Itachi and Kisame were walking down a very familiar road on their way to Konoha. Just then, a ninja oh-so-suddenly jumped out of nowhere with style and said, "HA! I, Random Ninja, shall kill you and get your Sharingan!"

Itachi had a big sweat drop while Kisame looked at Random Ninja hungrily.

"He looks good…" Kisame mumbled.

Itachi then decided to do Kisame a favor by roasting Random Ninja to death.

_Mouse. Tiger. Dog. Ox. Hare. Tiger._

_"Katon, Gyukyaku no Jutsu!"_ said Itachi as he shot out a huge fireball from his mouth, but was quickly countered by random ninja's quick act

Random Ninja did a set of random hand seals and shot out a random element from his mouth, which by coincidence was ice. A huge explosion erupted as the two elements clash…

Itachi opened his eyes slowly, only to be greeted by Kisame's screeching voice.

* * *

"Itachi! I-T-A-C-H-I! WHERE THE FCKING HELL ARE YOU! IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACCCCCCCCHHHHHHHHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!" Kisame yelled. Itachi covered his ears, in an attempt to protect the delicate organ from damage. Itachi then called out to Kisame,

"Kichkami! I ewe!" (Kisame! I'm here!)

Itachi then noticed the strange tone of his voice. It was… squeaky… and… **_cute_**… Oh god, what happened? He then tried to remember… the clash… random ninja… (Who he couldn't care less about now) and…**_ Itachi actually passed out!_** **_OH, DEAR LORD!_**

Itachi stood up. Suddenly, his cloak slipped down to his feet. Itachi was puzzled, but soon knew why as he looked at his reflection in a puddle.

"'_Hmm… I somehow look like I'm four years old… Wait a minute… I even **sound** like a four year old… Oh, shoot! Could it be! But how! Maybe it's because of that clash with that Random Ninja dude…" _Itachi thought. He sighed as he looked at his naked, four year old form of his body, astounded by this strange occurrence.

Kisame turned around, seeing a very small and cute kid standing in a heap of Itachi's cloak. He looked at the child hungrily as he walked towards the innocent little to-be victim. The fact that he was naked made him looks a lot more delicious.

The child turned and looked at the hungry, crazy form of Kisame. Itachi then gave Kisame the official "I'll-Kill-You look, Itachi style!" Kisame, who was startled, jumped back.

"WHAT THE! Only Itachi's given me that look before! Wait, black hair and raven, Itachi-ish eyes… Oh, dear lord, could you be…"

"_Wow, I never knew Kisame could be this smart…_" Itachi thought, only to be proven wrong.

"OMG! YOU'RE ANOTHER UCHIHA!" Kisame cried in a very dramatic way, pointing at Itachi accusingly. The background turned all shocking. "YOU MUST BE ITACHI'S LONG LOST BROTHER SLASH COUSIN!"

Itachi fell down,anime style.He then got back up and said,

"No! Ich we. Iwakchi." (No! It's me. Itachi.)

Well, at least he _attempted_ to say that, but he fails, considering he couldn't talk that good when he was four.

"Huh?" said Kisame

"I Uckiba Iwakchi" (I'm Uchiha Itachi) Itachi attempted to say. And yet again, he fails.

"What!" Kisame said again.

This was getting frustrating for Itachi. Why couldn't he turn into a five year old! At least he was more understandable. Itachi attempts to talk to Kisame a bit more, but as we all know, he fails.

"I ache u!" (I hate you!)

" Did you say something, cute little Itachi's long lost brother slash cousin?" asked Kisame, smiling.

"I ced I ache u!" (I said I hate you!)

"You want cherries?"

"Nyo!" (No!)

"Sorry kid, don't get'cha"

Itaci then kicked Kisame really hard on the blls. Kisame winces in pain, but it wasn't the reaction Itachi had in mind. He was trying to tell Kisame that he was Itachi, and not Itachi's long lost brother slash cousin. He wanted to get Kisame to scream in pain, but Kisame just winced. This means that not only did Itachi's body shrink, but his strength also decreased along with his body. Of course, Itachi logically assumed that his chakra also decreased along with his body, which made almost all his ninjitsu knowledge pointless.

**So the only thing he had that stayed the same was his mentality!**

But that wouldn't help too much, considering that he can't even talk.

"You're a feisty one, kid." Kisame said, holding his blls. "Your lucky that you're an Uchiha, or you would've been roasted by now, but Itachi would kill me if he knew that I killed you. And I know that he'd kill me if he knew that I know that I just killed you. Speaking of Itachi, WHERE THE HELL IS HE!"

Itachi felt like exploding, _HE WAS RIGHT THERE IN FRONT OF KISAME! _But Kisame was too stupid to notice that.

"What to do with you…" mumbled Kisame. He couldn't kill the kid, nor could he bring the kid along, (He would eat the kid halfway through his journey out of temptation) He then had a brilliant idea.

"I'LL BRING YOU TO **KONOHA**!" chirped Kisame happily. He then picked up the struggling Itachi and carried him to Konoha.

Kisame reached the gates of Konoha and saw a pink-haired kunoichi walking out of the gates, humming the Sasuke theme.

"Be a good boy, I'll be back," Kisame said as he patted Itachi's head. Itachi mentally swore he would kill Kisame when he was 18 again. Kisame then tossed Itachi down to the bushes below (Careful not to kill him) and went off, searching for Itachi, who he just tossed down into a pile of bushes.

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Sakura was walking out of Konoha, humming the Sasuke theme song. She was so into it, she didn't notice that Kisame was just above her head. Sakura suddenly heard some noise coming from the bushes right beside her. She went there and saw a little child, just around four, rubbing his head as he winced in pain.

"_Huh? A kid?" _Sakura thought.

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So, how was it? Good? Bad? Whatever you think, Don't stop! Just do one thing...

**_RATE AND REVIEW! THANK YOU!_**


	2. The evils of Haruno Sakura

Heres the second chapter to this fanfic! I'd like to thank Midnight-Miko66 for reviewing... **THANKS A BUNCH!**

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**Disclaimer:- I do not own Naruto or Itachi...sad...**

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Itachi was suddenly tossed down into a pile of bushes. God, it hurt a lot! He felt his head; it was as if the fires of hell was penetrating deep into his skull! Itachi rubbed it in pain. Curse you Hoshigaki Kisame! 

Suddenly, he heard a voice. He turned towards it, seeing his baka otouto's girlfriend, Haruno Sakura.

"_Damn you Kisame…" _Itachi thought as Sakura cradled him in her arms.

"OHMIGOD, YOU'RE SO CUTE!" she cooed. Then, she noticed it, the black hair and raven, Sasuke-ish eyes…

"OMG! YOU'RE ANOTHER UCHIHA!" Sakura cried in a very dramatic way, pointing at Itachi accusingly. The background turned all shocking. "YOU MUST BE SASUKE'S LONG LOST BROTHER SLASH COUSIN!"

Itachi found this scene very familiar. Sakura then ran into Konoha and yelled,

**" THIS IS ANOTHER UCHIHA! I COULD BRING SASUKE-KUN BACK! YAPPARIIIIIIII!"** She shrieked.

Everyone there were murmuring amongst themselves. Sakura suddenly came into Konoha, carrying a naked four year old while yelling that Sasuke was going to come back. They pitied her; Sasuke's betrayal actually affected her that deeply. They then decided to be a little nicer to the depressed kunoichi.

Meanwhile, Itachi was blushing until his face was bright red. Why did this stupid girl have to yell that loud? Everyone was staring at him, whispering amongst themselves. He covered his face in his small, cute little hands, in an attempt to avoid embarrassment. (He completely forgot that he was four now… Oh, well!)

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Itachi was in Sakura's room, wearing something Sakura randomly sewed together out of boredom one day, (It actually turned out useful) It was a blue/black shirt with a badly made and sewed on Uchiha symbol, made out of paper. The collar was high and covered Itachi's chin a little. There was also a pair of white shorts. Sakura's "Sasuke obsession" was shown very much from this.Itachi sighed at his outfit. He never liked the symbol. And the clothes look like Sasuke's. But alas, he had no choice but to wear them, considering there was nothing else to wear… Sakura was busy tearing her room apart. 

"DAMN IT! Where did I keep Sasuke-kun's number!" Sakura cursed as she dug through her undergarments. She was throwing them everywhere! Itachi, who despite the fact that he killed his clan, still had enough dignity to not touch women's undergarments. So, he was busy avoiding Sakura's flying underwear and bra. Luckily, Itachi still had his moves as a ninja. (Although not as much stamina)

Finally, when Itachi was starting to get tired, Sakura decided to ask Naruto, since Sasuke had once decided that Naruto was his best friend. Sakura turned around, only to see that the cute little boy was already asleep on her bed. Sakura sighed, looking at the cute form of the small Uchiha asleep. She wondered for a while how Sasuke looked like when he was as little as the child sleeping in her bed. She then started dialing Naruto's number.

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Naruto, as we all know, was at the Ichiraku Ramen, enjoying a deliciously addicting bowl of juicy, hot and irresistible beef ramen.(Ibet at least one of y'all guessedthat)Just then, Sakura comes along, looking very flustered. 

" 'I Chakuwra! Wramven?" (Hi Sakura! Ramen?) Naruto said with his mouth full. Sakura had that anger vein popping in her head as she slammed Naruto's face into the tempting hot ramen he was eating.

"NARUTO! You were supposed to meet me at the bridge THREE HOURS AGO!" Sakura yelled, angry and frustrated. Naruto looked longingly at his ramen, only to be slammed back into the ramen bowl.

"ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING!" Yelled Sakura, yet again. Naruto pulled his face from the bowl, a beef sticking out of his nose. Naruto took the beef from his nose and ate it, smirking at Sakura.

"You're a disgrace…" Sakura said, looking disgusted.

"Well, that was good quality ramen…" Naruto complained. He wouldn't care too much if Sakura only yelled at him, but why slam his face into the ramen?

"Whatever…" Sakura said as she sat down, ordering a miso ramen from Ayame. Sakura then turned to Naruto in a business like manner and said,

"I need Sasuke-kun's number."

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Sasuke came home from the Sound Village hair salon. Sasuke went into his room and looked at his reflection in the mirror. The hairdresser _had_ to do his hair like some nerd. It was like Naruto's hairstyle, but only shorter. _Very short_. Sasuke sighed at his reflection. He then noticed a bald patch on his head. 

NO!

He must not let anyone see this!

Suddenly, his cell phone rang, with the ringtone 'Beep' by Sasuke's secretly favorite band, Pussycat Dolls. This made Sasuke jump out of his socks. Literally.

From the ceiling, Sasuke checked the caller, and unidentified number.

(hmm… must be Orochimaru) thought Sasuke as he answered the phone.

"_Hello?" _said a very familiar voice.

"Sakura…" said Sasuke. "What do you want! (_Darn it! I don't remember her saying anything about changing her number!)"_

_"OH, SASUKE-KUN! HI!"_ Sakura yelped. Sasuke sighed loudly and

"WHAT DO YOU WANT!" Sasuke demanded.

"_SASUKE-KUN! I LOVE YOU!"_

"WHAT!"

"_I love you, and I need you… YOU ARE MY ANGEL!"_

"THAT'S IT! I'M HANGING UP!" Sasuke yelled. Sakura could be very annoying if she wanted to.

"_You know, I discovered that you and Itachi aren't the only Uchiha's alive."_ Sakura said suddenly with a serious tone.

"What are you talking about?" demanded Sasuke.

"_IT'S ANOTHER UCHIHA!"_ Sakura screamed happily.

"**Who!"**

"Some kid I found in some bushes outside Konoha!"

"REALLY!"

"_YEAH!"_

"How do I know you're not lying!"

"_Well, you could come back to Konoha, ask forgiveness from Tsunade-sama, get punished lightly because you could still be useful not only for missions, but for information about Orochimaru, let Tsunade-sama forgive you, and meet me at the bridge."_

" So I have to go back to Konoha, ask forgiveness from Tsunade, get punished lightly because I could still be useful not only for missions, but for information about Orochimaru, let Tsunade forgive me, and meet you the bridge. Got it." Sasuke said and hung up. He was excited, another Uchiha? This is great! He has to betray Orochimaru as soon as possible.

Suddenly, Sasuke lost his grip and fell down right into a small tin of black paint...

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Sasuke went down, seeing Kabuto watching 'Dark Water'. Sasuke went to him, tapping his shoulder lightly. 

"**OMIFG! DON'T KILL MEEEEIIII! I'M NOT YOUR MOMMIIIIEEEE!"** Kabuto yelled after screaming like a little girl, covering his face with the popcorn box he was holding. Popcorn flew into Sasuke's face and fell on his clothes. He wiped them all off as he said,

"Kabuto, it's me."

"SASUKE! DON'T EVER DO THAT AGAIN!" Kabuto yelled again, while attempting to get popcorn out of the couch. Orochimaru won't be too happy with this. Kabuto shuddered at the thought.

"Whatever, tell Orochimaru I'm going to go back to Konoha, asking forgiveness from Tsunade, getting punished lightly because I could still be useful not only for missions, but for information about him, let Tsunade forgive me, and meet Sakura the bridge. Send the message to Orochimaru A.S.A.P." Sasuke said.

"Fine, now let me watch the movie in peace!" Kabuto said, and shooed Sasuke away like he was some chicken. (Ironically, I think he is) Sasuke went back into his room, knowing that Kabuto would never get the peace he wanted… (Thanks to Orochimaru's new band of Nins) Sasuke started packing.

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Sakura hung up the Konoha public phone, the only public phone around Konoha. Why she didn't use her own cellphone? It's because she knew Sasuke wouldn't answer. Yes, she has tormented him with her calls of love and her cries for affection.(Especially after midnight)Suddenly, Naruto came over running towards Sakura. 

"SAKURA-CHAAAAN!" Did you hear? Sasuke came back to Konoha, asked forgiveness from Tsunade, got punished lightly because he could still be useful not only for missions, but for information about Orochimaru, and told some ANBU to tell me to tell you that he will be at the bridge." He said.

Sakura smirked to herself. Her little plan worked wonders.

* * *

Sakura was busy getting the poor, unlucky little Itachi ready for hiscoughfirstcoughmeeting with Sasuke. She was cutting out another Uchiha symbol. Itachi, on the other hand was wearing another one of Sakura's homemade clothes. It had the Hyuuga-ish jacket look, with the Uchiha style collar and the Uchiha symbol (Which is in the making) on the back. The wind was blowing Itachi's hair into his face. Itachi grunted as he wiped the hair off, 

And it went back into his face.

He tried to get it out of his face again,

And again,

And again,

But alas, a fruitless effort. As if his hair was alive. How he wished Sakura would consider tying up his hair. (It was three inches past his shoulder, F.Y.I) Suddenly Itachi spotted Sasuke coming along with the hair of all nerd-ness…

"OHMIGOD! SASUKE-KUN!" screeched Sakura and she hugged him like she was hugging her last ice-cream cone in her lifetime.

"FOR THE LOVE OF MY TOMATOES! SAKURA! GET OFF ME!" Sasuke shrieked, shoving Sakura away from him. Naruto randomly came along out of nowhere and pulled Sakura off Sasuke. Right after that, both of them stared with mouths hanging open stupidly open at Sasuke.

"SASUKE(KUN)! WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR HAIR!" Both Naruto and Sakura shrieked. Itachi also felt like screeching the same thing, but he still has a reputation to consider. Yes, he was four now, but he still had his dignity, his cool-ness, his 'Itachi-ish' qualities.

"Okay, my hair is like this, big deal!" Sasuke said annoyed. Suddenly Sasuke spots Itachi, who was trying to hold down the urge to laugh. God! Sasuke's hair was like… weird! Sasuke steps closer to Itachi, "I know you…" he murmured.

Itachi's urge to laugh was instantly gone. Instead, he felt nervous now. What if Sasuke knew that the child in front of him was actually his older brother, the one he wanted to kill so badly? What if Sasuke realizes before Itachi could run away? No, Itachi had no intention to die yet. No, he wasn't ready. He started to run, but Sakura suddenly held him so tightly to her, Itachi couldn't move.

Sasuke was getting closer now, Sasuke was just 1 meter away…

Sasuke was right in front of Itachi now. Itachi struggled to get away from Sakura, but her grip on him was too strong. Itachi closed his eyes. For the first time in years, his heart was beating faster than lightning, for the first time, nervous butterflies were fluttering around his stomach. For the first time in years…

He was afraid.

Uchiha Itachi was afraid.

Afraid of his own foolish little brother, his baka otouto, Uchiha Sasuke.

_**MEANWHILE…**_

Kisame was sitting by a fire he somehow managed to make, despite his stupidity (No offence Kisame fans! Hey, that rhymed!) Kisame just sat there, by the fire… doing nothing useful to himself, or to the leader of Akatsuki.

"Itachi… where are you…" he wondered out loud as he grabbed an unlucky frog who just happened to be passing by. (Without much effort) He then put the frog into his mouth and chewed the frog slowly. Frogs weren't Kisame's favorite type of food, but he had no choice.

"I'm hungry…" Kisame said again.

_**BACK TO ITACHI…**_

Sasuke was crouching now, examining every inch of Itachi. He'd raise Itachi's hair up, or caress his face while staring attentively at Itachi, as if he was looking for any signs of fake Uchiha-ness. Itachi on the other hand, found this uncomfortable. He felt as if he was an item at a grocery shop, turned back and forth.Sasuke suddenly had that cool/shocked expression and….

Sasuke jumped back, startled. He then cried in a very dramatic way, pointing at Itachi accusingly. The background turned all shocking. "YOU MUST BE MY LONG LOST BROTHER SLASH COUSIN!" he yelped. Itachi had a _very_ huge sweat drop behind his head. This scene was much too familiar.

"I TOLD YOU!" Sakura said happily. Sasuke was too dumbfounded to speak. He couldn't believe it, this was another Uchiha! When he sees his older brother again, he'd say, "HAH! You missed one!" right in Itachi's face. Hope was in Sasuke's life again… The Uchiha clan resurrection was going to be easier with help in his hands.

"SASUKE! OMHG! YOU GOT WHITE HAIR!" Naruto screeched all of the sudden. Sasuke then noticed that Naruto was eyeing his hair closely from a magnifying glass.

"It's also too dry…" Naruto continued.

"You should try Pantene conditioner, they're good" Sakura said, agreeing with Naruto. Sasuke held his head angrily while yelling

"**WHO ASKED YOU!" **

**_MEANWHILE…_**

Hatake Kakashi was in Hawaii (Does it even exist in the Naruto world?) He was lying down on his beach mat somewhere by the beach. He wasn't wearing anything except his boxers. Why? Because he had no swimsuit or swim pants! Though he still has the trademark headband and mask. Over his face was a very familiar orange book with 'Icha Icha Paradise – Limited Edition' on the cover. Kakashi was enjoying every moment in the book with passion. Suddenly, he remembered something…

"I wonder how the kids are doing?" He wondered out loud.

_cricket cricket_

…

"OH WELL!" Kakashi said and continued reading the book in his hands…

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Yessss... that is all for now... please _**RATE AND REVIEW**_... or I'll put you in this fanfic and bash y'all to oblivion!**MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!**


	3. The name of the new Uchiha

I'm really glad that people like this fic. **_THANK YOU TO ALL WHO REVIEWD! _**Oh yeah, this chapter is a bit… ehm… okay... maybe not. But this chapter is kinda crazy due to four things.

1. I had a high sugar cup of tea 30 seconds before writing this chapter

2.I was eating a cake when I wrote this chapter

3. Too much sugar causes me to be hyper

4. And I had too much sugar

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**Disclaimer : I do not own Naruto. But I do own an Itachi plushie that I just bought a few hours ago! GO ITACHI-SAMA!**

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Everyone was in the Uchiha Mansion. (Sasuke, Sakura, Naruto and Lee, who came out of nowhere) They were all discussing a name for the new Uchiha. Sasuke had a towel on his head because; 

He just took a shower.

The paint had all washed off from his bald patch.

Naruto and Sakura completely forgot that his hair was weird, and Lee didn't know. So Sasuke was free from harassment… I think.

"I want Sasuke jr.!" yelled Sakura

"No! Naruko sounds better!" argued Naruto.

"Isn't that a girl's name!" Snapped Sakura.

"Yeah!" Agreed Lee.

"Oh yeah…" said Naruto.

--' was how Sakura and Lee looked like.

"Gaimaru sounds nicer!" Snapped Lee out of the blue.

**"NOO!"** Sakura and Naruto screamed.

And they all continued bickering, without a care about the _appropriate_ person who should be naming the youngest Uchiha, Sasuke. Speaking of the avenger…

Sasuke was staring at Itachi while rubbing his chin. Something wasn't right with the young Uchiha.

Itachi was fooling around with his ex-toys. Once, he used to enjoy these little things. Why couldn't he feel the joy now?

Oh, maybe its because back then, he had his mother, Uchiha Mikoto, playing with him, with her soft touch and sweet smile. He sighed, remembering her gentle ways.

And because back then, no Sasuke was staring at him until the vision penetrated through his skull

Back to the fighting trio…

"GAIMARU!"

"SASUKE JR.!"

" uhh… umm…. RAMEN!"

"WHY RAMEN!"

"Because I'm hungry!"

--'

_(cricket) (cricket)_

_(hachoo!)_

"I STILL WANT SASUKE JR.!"

"Guys…" started Sasuke

_"GAIMARU!"_

_"SASUKE JR.!"_

_"MISO!"_

"_Guys…" _A very familiar vein was popping out of Sasuke's forehead.

"I DON'T CARE! I WANT POCKY!"

"POCKY IS A VERY EVIL NAME FOR SOMEONE AS CUTE AS _HIM!"_ Sakura yelled, pointing at the innocent Itachi accusingly. Itachi blinked in anger. Pocky is _not_ evil!

"Huh? Is that what we were fighting about?"

"YESS!" yelled Sakura and Lee.

"Oh…"

"I want Gaimaru!"

"NO!"

_**"GUYS!"** _Yelled Sasuke.

Instantly, everyone shut up, not because of Sasuke's sudden and expected outburst, but at what they see now…

Sasuke's body was suddenly made out of peanut butter flavored gingerbread.

"He looks good…" Naruto mumbled. Sasuke looked a rather tempting now that he was hungry, despite the fact he actually had a phobia against gingerbread

"I love gingerbread…" mumbled Sakura

"Peanut butter is good for Taijutsu…" mumbled Lee.

They went to Sasuke exactly like the zombies in Resident Evil very, very slowly. Sasuke backed off slowly, and started to run, but was caught in the neck by Sakura. Naruto and Lee came over and all three chunnins began to devour Sasuke slowly, but painfully, not giving Sasuke even a tiniest hint of mercy…

Nah, just kidding.

What _really _happened was crueler, more inhuman, more…

_Evil…_

Sasuke's towel fell off his head.

And he was seated.

Revealing a bald patch on his head. (Screeches, screams of horror, shocked sighs and exited murmurs were heard)

Everyone, Itachi included, stared with mouths hanging open stupidly, saliva drooling out of their mouths. Suddenly, Itachi, being the smart one, realized first that a very evil aura, stronger than his or Orochimaru's was flowing out of Sasuke's bald patch. Everyone was soon engulfed in an endless, foggy abyss of evil baldness…

Sasuke was ignorant of the situation. Although he did wonder why his fellow shinobi's were seemingly dying, but assumed that they did that just to annoy him.

Itachi suddenly couldn't breathe. His vision was blurring, light was draining out of his life. His whole life flashed before his eyes.

No!

He couldn't die, not yet. Itachi still had unfinished business with Kisame and all. Itachi looked around, seeking solution to the radioactive fumes coming from Sasuke's head. Or maybe refuge.

Anything to get away from the evil of Sasuke's baldness…

Itachi then spots hope. Hope that could help him cheat death…

A black permanent marker.

Itachi mustered all of his strength and courage as he crawled to the marker. He picked it up, with much effort, and handed it to Sasuke. Sasuke grabbed it and colored his bald patch with the marker…

Itachi gulped in the cold, sweet air. He felt like this was the first breath he had in years. Itachi never knew baldness could bring so much evil… Itachi was truly very grateful with the air he could now breathe. He saw that everyone was also breathing heavily. (Except Sasuke) Naruto, Sakura and Lee stood up and they all said at the same time,

"What happened?"

"We were looking for a name for him, remember?" Sasuke said grudgingly.

"OH YEAH!" Naruto, Sakura and Lee said at the same time.

And they continued bickering again.

_**"PEOPLE! LISTEN TO MEEE!** _(Insert Banshee scream here)_"_ Sasuke yelled, making everyone wonder about his true gender. Everyone covered their ears as the scream broke every single thing in the house, except important things like Sasuke's Arabica Coffee and such.

"Thank you!" Sasuke declared after achieving total silence. "I have decided the name for the young Uchiha…"

"REALLY! IS IT SASUKE JR.!" Sakura screamed happily.

"No, and it's not Gaimaru, Naruko, Miso or Pocky either." Sasuke said. Everyone, except Itachi looked disappointed. In fact, Itachi was worried. What name has his baka-otouto decided on?

"Without further delay, I now declare,"

Itachi held his breath

"That the future Uchiha sub-leader's name is…"

Itachi closed his eyes in worry

"Uchiha Katsuhiro."

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I shall end it there as a cliffhanger. God, I love those things! Yet again, sorry it's short, but couldn't find a better place to stop. 

Longer chapters? Theres only one thing to do...

**_RATE AND REVIEW!_**


	4. Konoha's Ultimate Haircut!

Yeah, sorry the last chapter was short, but I'll make it up to y'all… somehow… Hey, I made this chappie longer than usual, so give me some credit!

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**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, Shino, Ino, Itachi, (-sob-…) Kisame, Sakura, Lee, e.t.c. But I do own this fanfic, and if you steal it, YOU WILL PERISH UNDER THE WRATH OF THE GODESS OF PAIN AND MISERY! MWAHUHIHEHOHAHAHIHUHOHAHEHIHUHAHOHUHWAHWUIHWEHWO!**

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Uchiha Itachi's eyes fluttered open into a very unfamiliar room. He finds it strange that he was sleeping in a room filled with plushies, all in the form of cockatoos, foxes and boxes of pocky. He looked up to the walls, only to find that the walls were imprinted with designs of ramen bowls.

With this, Itachi immediately shot up of his bed in alarm, checking for the potential crazy or overly creative shinobi who put him into this room.

Nothing.

Not even the slightest trace of an on-looking mortal. Yet, Itachi noticed the particular room had signs of a recent fight. No, not the shinobi-ish fights with Justus and all, just a fight that involved scratching and hair pulling. Itachi then thought hard, thinking about yesterday's happenings.

_Oh yeah… I was a four year old…and my name's Katsuhiro… _Itachi remembered sadly. Why can't Sasuke think of a better name! Why Katsuhiro! _Katsuhiro! __**Uchiha Katsuhiro!**_ With a name as gay as that, he would be a laughing stock forever!

Itachi held his hair. His soft, glorious hair! How he dreads the day Lee gets his way… Oh, the evil! The in-humanity! How could Sasuke even let him have his way? He has to get out of this place A.S.A.P! But alas, there was no choice, as Itachi's nursery was like a prison. There was no way out.

* * *

_**FLASHBACK…**_

Sasuke had placed "_Katsuhiro-chan"_ on a baby-chair and was now eyeing the young Uchiha suspiciously. This young Uchiha looked almost like Itachi when Itachi was _"Katsuhiro-chan's" _age. Yesss….. Sasuke has seen Itachi when he was four. From… the one and only…

AN ALBUM!

But that wasn't important.

What was important was that Sasuke needed to do something with the young Uchiha. Why?

Number one_, "Katsuhiro-chan" _looks too much like Itachi now.

And number two, No one (or so in Sasuke's little world of his own) could ever have better hair than him. And since Sasuke's hair is like an ass now, _"Katsuhiro-chan's" _hair has to be equally bad, worse, or just slightly better than Sasuke's that no one notices.

After pondering for what seems like eternity, Sasuke decides.

"**I'll give you a haircut!" **Sasuke chirped excitedly (and a little too loudly) he then squealed excitedly, making passerby's wonder if Sasuke was raping anyone, and Itachi wonder of Sasuke's true gender.

Suddenly, as if on cue, three mysterious shinobi barged in, wearing Akatsuki-ish cloaks and straw hats. But instead of red clouds, the cloaks contained different designs.

The rightmost one contained randomly placed bowls of ramen.

The middle one contained had the word 'youth' printed all over

While the leftmost one contained pictures of Sasuke's head (before haircut) of various sizes all over it.

Cherry Blossom petals fluttered around them and landed elegantly on the floor around the three not-so-mysterious shinobi. The two shinobi on the right and left were kneeling, while the middle one stood there doing the Ultraman style laser shooting thingy. (Without the laser) Then, all of them stood up, and slightly lifted their straw hats, which this revealed a spiky haired blonde, a bowl-cut Nin, and a pink haired kunoichi. They then quoted together

"**_We are the 'SHINOBI CUT, GIVE US THE MONEY AND GET YOUR BUTT OUT SERVICE!' We do hair, backside hair, armpit hair, and the latest, chimpanzee hair! We have temporarily abandoned shinobi duties and became barbers!"_** they all said not-so-together.

Itachi mentally scoffed at their outfits. "_Copycats…"_ he thought.

"Err… Saku…" started Sasuke

"Noo! I am known as **_'Scissorsra'_**" said the girl, who sounds suspiciously like Sakura.

"While I'm **_Rip Hair_**!"

"And I'm **_'Cut-masterruto'_**! Future Hokage and the best nin…ehm… hairdresser of all time!"

"_That wasn't in the script, baka," _whispered the girl who sounds suspiciously like Sakura.

"Right…" said Sasuke.

Suddenly, all of them went towards Itachi, placed him on a chair, tied him up, and turned towards Sasuke.

"What to do boss?" asked coughleecough.

Sasuke pondered for a while. With Lee (author gets banged in the head by Rip Lee), Sakura (**IT'S SCISSORSRA!**) and Naruto (_Cut-masterro please!) 'Katsuhiro-chan's' _would be worse than his!

Itachi's dreaded answer came out.

"**_Do whatever you want" _**said Sasuke.

AND THUS, THE BICKERING BEGINS!

* * *

"So what should we do?" asked coughsakuracough. (Sakura mumbles very colorful words)

"HOW 'BOUT A BOWLCUT!" chirped coughleecough (_It's Rip Hair!)_

"Dun think that's a good idea, how bout Sasuke-kun's hairstyle?" Said… Oh, you know who said that!

"Nah… not good." Said Cut-Masterruto -Or Naruto- (_Cut-Masterruto!)_

"So, what do you guys want! You refused Sasuke-kun's hair, and Bowl-Cut would never do!

"I was thinking more of the…"

"What!"

"_MOHAWK!"_

"_MOHAWK?"_

"Yup! MOHAWK!"

"NO WAY!"

"YES WAY!"

"NO!"

"YESSS!"

"**NOOOOO!"**

* * *

_**Meanwhile in the flashback**… (Be'cha forgot this was a flashback huh?)_

Kisame wandered around, in an attempt to search for food. He was starving! Yet he refused to eat anything non-meat. It's something like turning vegetarian, but I think the preferred term would be

_Meatenarian_

So, like I said, Kisame wandered around, in search for food. Who knows? Maybe he'll stumble upon an unlikely herd of walking fish, (Him being the shark) who knows?

* * *

_**BACK IN THE ORIGINAL FLASHBACK**_

"NOOOOOOO! NOT MOHAWK! IT DOESN'T GO WITH KATSUHIRO-CHAN'S CUTE LITTLE FACE!" screamed Sak… err… I mean Scissorsra.

"_Goddamnit! Don't pick any of those and think of another!" _Thought Itachi. Yet alas, Itachi couldn't say anything since he turned four, and he had a ginormous cloth tied around his mouth.

"Then! You don't want the Mohawk, and if we put Sasuke's hairstyle, we won't be able to differentiae between him and Sasuke!" said … uhh… Crab-Masterru-what? (CUT-MASTERRUTO!)

"You got a point there…" mumbled Sakura

…

"Bowl-cut then…" all three hairdressers coughshinobicoughsaid at once.

_WHAT? _Thought Itachi. Lee bent down closer to uphold the evil haircut. Itachi turned towards Sasuke for support. Sasuke just shrugged and turned to the right. Itachi mentally swore to use Tsukiyomi on Sasuke again.

But he couldn't plot his revenge at the very moment, as the scissors of Scissorsra (Rip Hair is cutting, but it's Scissorsra's scissors) were coming closer to his million-dollar hair.

"_Think, Itachi, Think! Don't let the idiot cut your hair!"_ Thought Itachi. (A/N: Itachi is thinking about thinking…. 0,0) but the panic was making it hard.

The scissors were just three inches away…

"**_Think!" _**Itachi urged himself…

Two inches…

"_**THINK!"**_

One inch away…

"_**THINK ITACHI, THINK!"**_

****

* * *

****

_**MEANWHILE**_

The Akatsuki leader was annoyed. Kisame and Itachi haven't returned on their errand to collect his little toy… err... I mean, merchandise.

His very own, super ginormous and one of a kind…

BEYBLADE!

He was getting so anxious; he almost pissed in his pants. Where were Itachi and Kisame! They have never failed a mission yet! Well, except for the Kyuubi mission though… but that mission is now very inferior compared to this mission! WHERE ARE THEY! He needed the BEYBLADE, NOW!

He called out Deidara, Sasori, Zetsu, Tobi, (Dunno why I added him) Kakuzu and Hayden. (A/N: Forgot if dis was his real name… maybe it is, maybe it's not…)

**"Get Kisame and Itachi" **he said

* * *

**_BACK TO THE FLASHBACK _**(It rhymed!)

Rip Hair was very pleased. He can now uphold the beauty of Bowl-cut hair! Gai-sensei would be so proud! Suddenly,

"_Katsuhiro-chan"_ started crying.

* * *

Crying was the only thing Itachi could think of to stop the scissors from reaching his beautiful, shiny hair. IT WORKED WONDERES! YES! HIS HAIR WAS SAVED! But Itachi only mentally cheered, as he knew looking happy would ruin his act. Luckily being an ex in ANBU helped a lot.

* * *

Lee panicked. Had he hurt the little child? Sasuke gave him the official Uchiha glare, while Sakura and Naruto chanted.

"**YOU MADE HIM CRY! MURDERER!"**

"No I'm not!" demanded Lee

"**LIAR!" **Naruto and Sakura chanted together again.

"It's the truth!"

"**WE DON'T BELIEVE YOU!"** They should join chorus speaking or something…

"IT'S THE TRUTH!"

"**GO EAT BIRD POO!"**

And with that, Naruto and Sakura chanted around Lee, saying **"GUILTY"** over and over again. Sasuke decided to step into the problem, and untied the crying "_Katsuhiro-chan"_

Bad idea

Because then, "_Katsuhiro-chan_" flailed his arms around like mad and hit Sasuke squarely in the blls. "_Revenge is sweet…"_ thought Itachi. After Sasuke got over the pain, he decided to calm the mad Uchiha down. He picked up "_Katsuhiro-chan"_ and put him down beside the table.

Another bad idea.

"No!" yelled Sasuke, but it was too late as "_Katsuhiro-chan" _had already spilled Sasuke's beloved Arabica coffee on himself. Okay, it was only a drop or two, but kiddies aren't supposed to be open-minded aren't they? Itachi cried even louder. Sasuke panicked and tried to calm him down. Yet alas, another fruitless effort.

"**YOU GOT HIM MAD! BAD PARENT!"** Sakura and Naruto chanted together.

"I'M TRYING MY HARDEST!" demanded Sasuke.

"**DON'T LIE!"**

"Why would I lie about this!"

"**GO EAT YOUR OWN POO!"**

"WHY MY POO?"

"**BECAUSE YOU'RE A BIRD AND BIRD EAT THEIR OWN POO!" **

And Sakura and Naruto chanted "**GUILTY"** over and over again around Sasuke and Lee, who was cowering in fear and whimpering "It wasn't me…" over and over again, sobbing. Itachi was still in his act of crying and flailing his arms, ever-so-happily getting his revenge on Sasuke. Itachi mentally smirked, but didn't smirk physically as crying babies don't smirk. The wind was howling oh-so-loudly outside.

Suddenly, the door burst open, and a curious Hinata came along with Ino and Shino. Hinata was holding acone of chocolate flavored ice cream.

Itachi instantly stopped, spotting the heavenly treat. He went over to Hinata, snatched the ice cream, and went to his old room to savor the heavenly treat.

"Ano… what happened here?" asked Hinata.

* * *

_**Back to original time**_

Itachi smirked, remembering the moment of his revenge. He checked the watch.

"_It's 8.50! I'm gonna miss it!"_

Itachi thought as he got up, and went all the way towards the TV. He opened it, and flicked the channel to "Breakfast With Buddy". Ten more minutes before the show, and he almost forgot! Itachi never misses this show; it was one of his favorite shows. But he has to wait for another ten minutes as the news went on.

"_We report a missing school of missing unlikely herd of walking fish from the streets on the way to Konoha. Full news after "Breakfast with Buddy" Thank you." _

Said the reporter. Itachi was interested, but he didn't have to wait to know the culprit. He had a very good idea who it was…

Just then, a certain girl with shoulder-length black hair came into the room holding a tray of soup. Itachi turned around, and immediately recognized the face.

"U!" (You!) Said Itachi, pointing at her accusingly.

* * *

And therefore, I shall leave this fanfic right there. This is my best cliffhanger yet! (Chuckles evilly) Thanks for reading, but if y'all can, please do me a favor…

**_RATE AND REVIEW! PLEASE!_** (Does sad puppy face of doom)

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Please, Please, Please, Please, Please, Please, Please, Please, Please, Please, Please, Please, Please, Please, Please, Please, Please, Please, Please, Please, Please! Thank you!

* * *

**B.T.W, the "Breakfast with Buddy" thingy, no offence. I just always thought Itachi would make a great cook. Somehow… Haha, lol. I know it's a crazy idea, but whaddaya think? Should I make Itachi the best cook yet? Or in the verge of being one. Review for suggestion please!**


	5. Mysteries Of Breakfast

The fifth chappie up! Thanks to all who reviewed. AND PLEASE REVEW MORE! I'm on a bet with my friend on who can get more reviews, so **_REVIEW PLEASE! ONEGAI SHIMASU! _**Oh, and sorry for the late update, I was having problems with a school project, and have just finished it! FREEDOM AT LAST! FREE!

* * *

**Disclaimer: C'mon, you know the line… We all do…**

"U!" (You!) Itachi said, pointing accusingly to the one and only…

**Hyuuga Hinata!** (A/N The cliffie was kinda pointless now wasn't it? Haha, lol)

"Ohayo, Katsuhiro-chan" said Hinata. She sat down and pushed the bowl of soup to Itachi.

"_What the hell"_ thought Itachi. He eyed the soup carefully, seeing it was an innocent bowl of (insert a type of soup here) soup. Itachi's stomach grumbled, yet he refused to drink the soup, and showed it by pushing it back to Hinata, despite the fact that he was actually very, very hungry.

"You don't want it?" asked Hinata. Itachi shook his head from left to right, refusing. But just then, his stomach betrayed him by giving out a loud grumble. Hinata smiled and took a sip at the soup. (A/N Yes, I know this is so not Hinata, who stammers almost 24/7, but who gets nervous around cute little babies such as our _'Katsuhiro-chan?' _Huh? Who?)

"No poison." She said, still smiling oh-so-not-like-Hinata. Itachi hesitated, but lost to the hungry side of him and drank all of the soup in one gulp. "_Oh, what the heck, better getting poisoned than dying of hunger"_ he thought. (Imagine how hungry he was… with only pocky for dinner the day before, and Kisame frequently stealing his food for the past three weeks)

"Y'know, you seem like you know a lot about life." Hinata said to Itachi, who was wiping his mouth of excess soup with the back of his pajama sleeve, (Which was blue with kunai's printed all over it. SO CUTE! UTTTT!) Itachi looked up, and saw eye to eye with Hinata.

"Your eyes, they shine with the soft light of sorrow and pain. Makes you seem a lot like Sasuke-san." She said.

"_Ya damn right with the sorrow thing, but I do not look anything like my baka otouto!" _thought Itachi.

…

"Oh well, gotta go back to the main house, who knows what Hanabi would say if she finds me missing." Hinata said, breaking the silence.

"_Good. Get lost,"_ thought Itachi. "_And if you come back, bring me some decent food!" _

"Don't worry, I wont come back until I find three boxes of pocky for you, if you think that's a type of decent food." Said Hinata

"_Yup, that's what I'm talking bout!"_ thought Itachi.

"Okay." Said Hinata, smiling. And she went out, leaving the room all to Itachi

And with that, Itachi was once again alone in the nursery. He then turned to the TV and resumed watching his morning show, yet he couldn't focus. Itachi thought about the strange girl, Hyuuga Hinata. It seems that she can somehow read his mind, somehow. Is that even possible? Even his baka otouto can't do that. Well, come to think of it, besides smirk, what else can he do?

Suddenly, Itachi felt really sleepy. Suddenly! He struggled to keep his eyes open, and attempted once again to focus on the show, yet his eyelids refused to do his bidding. Itachi drifted slowly to the realm of slumber…

* * *

"_What the hell…" _thought Itachi as he stared out into an empty desert. The ground was at the point of cracking and peeling off, while the sky was a mix between grey and blue swirls. And somehow, there was a puddle beside him. Itachi peered into it, seeing his own self, back when he was thirteen.

"_Is this… a dream?"_ He thought.

"**Of course it is, silly!"** said a very happy voice. A very familiar happy voice.

"Improved your sneaking skills I see," said Itachi as he turned around, seeing eye to eye with Uchiha Shisui

"Is this your genjutsu?" He asked calmly.

"**Nope, but it is a mind game, nonetheless" **said Shisui

"Whose?"

"**Uchiha Itachi's mind game."**

"Well, I'm Uchiha Itachi." Itachi said, still keeping cool.

"**Are you?"**

"You're twisting my words"

"**Maybe I am"**

"If you are, why?"

"**Because you're not you anymore"**

"Please make more sense"

Shisui seemed deep in thought before he continued.

"**You've changed"**

"It's a phase everyone goes through"

"**No, not that"**

"Then?"

"**I know you didn't kill the Uchiha clan"**

"Well, I killed you, as my best friend, didn't I? Let alone killing off the rest of the clan" Itachi answered dryly.

"**You can't lie to me, Itachi-kun. I've seen everything in your mind."**

"Exactly why I'm not trying"

"**Pfft. Uchiha Itachi, you're such a good liar, even you believe in your own lies."** Shisui scoffed.

"That's an interesting theory, Shisui. Trapping yourself in my mind has made you very imaginative."

"**That bad boy act isn't going to fool me, Itachi, it's you who's the fool. You're just lying to yourself."**

"You think too much Shisui"

"**Wake up, Uchiha Itachi, wake up and face reality…"**

"Make me"

"**Wake up…"**

* * *

"**WAKE UP!"**

Yelled an over exited Naruto, which resulted with a punch to his head. This sent him flying to the other side of the room.

"LET KATSUHIRO-CHAN SLEEP, YOU ASSHOLE!" yelled Sakura.

"Whatever, he's awake now," said Sasuke as he entered the room. _"And Sakura's yelling will never allow anyone back to sleep"_ Sasuke added mentally.

"Sakura-chaaaan, you didn't have to yell at me like thaaaat…" Naruto said hurtfully, pouting.

"WELL, YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO WAKE HIM UP SO ABRUPTLY IN THE MIDDLE OF THE MORNING! CHILDREN NEED THEIR SLEEP! AND THAT CUTE ACT ISN'T GONNA… and blahdy blah blah."

While Sakura continued her rant, Itachi, or preferably Katsuhiro, was deep in thought.

"_I'm not lying to myself, Shisui-kun. It wasn't **him** who killed the clan, it was me." _Itachi thought, more to convince himself actually than Shisui. He looked up and saw Sasuke giving him the bad eye. Itachi turned away, not wanting to face his baka otouto so early in the morning. Suddenly, Itachi felt himself being carried away by an over exited Naruto.

"_**TIME FOR BREAKFAST!"**_

Itachi was once again seated in the dreaded chair, (The one that almost took away his magnificent hair) except this time, there was a table in front of him. And around that table, three gloomy shinobi were sitting on chairs, in a grand meeting.

"What do kiddies eat I wonder" Naruto pondered

"Naruto, Katsuhiro-chan is a four year old. Of course he eats what we all eat," Sakura said. Sasuke gave her a look. "Err… healthy, chewable ones I mean," she added.

Suddenly, a hyperactive Lee made a grand entrance and made his grand speech

"OHAYO GOZAIMASHTA! MINNA!" he screamed…I mean, greeted.

"Hi…" everyone else said glumly.

Aww… why so slow? This place is as dull as the tip of my toe."

"Yeah, whatever" said Naruto.

"OMIGOD! NARUTO! YOU OF ALL PEOPLE MUST NOT BE GLUM! BE HAPPY! I COMMAND YOU AS THE HERO OF THIS SERIES!" screamed/said Lee, yet Naruto, unlike Naruto, was as glum as a graveyard.

"Okay… OOH! I GOT AN IDEA!" Yelled Lee, and took out three coughexcoughpicoughredcough chocolates. But just as he was about to stuff it into someone's mouth, he was tied up to a pole, and the chocolate was nowhere to be seen.

"Aww… c'mon guys, YOUTH!" said Lee. Yet all four of the others weren't listening. Sakura was in the kitchen, cooking up something healthy and chewable for Katsuhiro-chan, while Naruto and Sasuke were crouched up somewhere at the corner of the room.

"What do these chocolates do I wonder" said Naruto.

"Well, only one way to find out…" said Sasuke, winking.

"Chotto Matte-o, Sasuke. Must make you become something… bad wouldn't it? It belonged to Lee." Naruto said with un-like-naruto-wisdom.

"Good point."

"Maybe we should take little bites, you know, maybe tiny licks, just in case."

"You're right. Maybe we should."

And with that, both of them took small, tiny, tip-of-the-tongue licks…

"All done!" said Sakura, serving Itachi wasabi and cuttlefish-flavored pizza. Itachi took a glance, and pushed it away. Despite the fact that he was hungry, Itachi does not eat pizza in the middle of the morning. Not with wasabi and cuttlefish at least. So, he pushes it away, hoping that Sasuke would make healthier food.

Well, hope was good while it lasted.

Sasuke and Naruto came over, taking a good look at the thing Sakura made.

"Woooooww… is this a new version of sushi?" asked Naruto, swaying from left to right.

"Oh, I KNOW! Its takoyaki right? No… it's… SASHIMI!" yelled Sasuke, not standing so straight.

"What happened to you?" asked Sakura.

"Mawbwe teiw awete twe chocolate." (Maybe they ate the chocolate) wondered Itachi out loud… I mean Katsuhiro-chan.

"Katsuhiro-chan, I bet your bro didn't eat that chocolate, Sasuke-kun isn't that stupid!" said Sakura.

"_Wait… did she just answer what I said? Her?" _thought Itachi. So this girl understands baby language… interesting… how did he not see this before? How ignorant can he be? And that Hyuuga girl understood him too. Maybe only girls can understand baby language. He wasn't sure.

"Hey, you look like you understand me. Great! Hinata told me to talk a lot to babies a lot so they learn how to talk faster. Well, too bad I can't understand you, Katsuhiro-chan, it'll be cool to understand baby language," Sakura said again, deflating yet another one of Itachi's bag of hope. Why was this happening to him?

"Saaakura-chaaaaan… this is a flattened version of ramen, right?" said a voice, whose owner tapped Sakura from the back.

"WHOA! WHO'SE THAT?" yelled Sakura out of surprise.

"Of course, it's me, Lee." Said Lee.

"Wait, I thought we tied you up?"

"Well, they freed me, for more chocolate." Said Lee, gesturing to Naruto and Sasuke, who were singing "A Pirate's Life For Me" supporting each other from falling by leaning on each other.

"_Oh great, more idiots on the loose"_ thought Itachi.

* * *

_**MEANWHILE…**_

Kakashi woke up from his nightmare, where Itachi continuously stabbed him with a katana for hours (Sound familiar?)

He was still in his chair from yesterday. Guess he must've slept there throughout the night. Yet that didn't disturb him. Instead, what he was worried about, was Naruto. Suddenly, he was worried about Sasuke too. What happened at home? He has to get there, ASAP!

Just as Kakashi stood up, he felt himself being pushed back into his seat.

"What's the rush, sweetie-pie? Can't you stay here a little longer?" cooed a sexy voice. Kakashi then noticed. One, two, three…

TEN! Ten sexy Hawaiian beach-babes in hula uniforms were around his chair, googling at him.

"_On second thought, maybe home can wait,"_ thought Kakashi.

* * *

_**BACK TO KONOHA…**_

Remember Itachi refusing Sakura's food? Well, Itachi is regretting those very actions, as he stared at the mysterious gooey substance set in front of him now. He couldn't remember clearly on what happened in the kitchen, but he had a very good idea.

"_Hey Sasuke, what do you feed a four year old?" asked a chocolately drunk Lee._

"_Hmmm… veggies I guess…" said Sasuke. And all of them tore the kitchen apart, in search of all the veggies in the house. After that, all of what was found was dumped in a blender and blended. The substance formed was green, frothy and oozy._

"_NOT ENOUGH NUTRIENTS!" yelled Naruto, and both the other boys agreed.'_

After that, the memory wasn't too clear, but Itachi distinctively remember a goat being dragged into the kitchen, and presumably, into the blender and blended with the other 'nutrient sources' as well. Itachi sighed as he took a glance at the mysterious gooey substance set in front of him. One glance, he knew the foodstuff was in consumable. Itachi scoffed, and pushed the food away.

"HUH? HE DIDN'T WANT IT?" said Naruto

"WHY?" asked Lee. All of the three held their chins in thought. Suddenly, Sasuke said

"MAYBE IT NEEDS MORE…"

"WHAT?"

"TOMATOES!"

All of them nodded in agreement, for they all knew that Uchiha's love tomatoes, and would almost die for it! In fact, one Uchiha who shall not be named, even gave away his Sharingan for tomatoes!

All three disappeared for approximately 10 seconds, and returned with a whole crate of tomatoes. And all of that tomato, even the crate, went into the blender with the rest of the mysterious gooey substance…

After an eternity of waiting, the mysterious gooey substance was once again, set in front of the unlucky victim of coughexcoughpicoughredcough chocolate, Uchiha '_Katsuhiro'. _Lee, Sasuke and Naruto, were circling the table in a chant-like manner repeating, "**_EAT_**" again and again and again. They were holding all sorts of kitchenware, which could potentially harm any unlucky person who get in their way.

Itachi took a glance at the recently 'malformed unexplained gelatinous substance', and almost gagged at the texture, color and smell. The smell of dead things. (DUN DUN DUUUUN!). Of course, Itachi didn't want it, but he feared chocolate infected Lee, Sasuke and Naruto, for they were carrying kitchenware with them. Once again, he took a glance at the 'not long deformed mystifying glutinous essence'. He could almost see something popping in there.

Wait…

There is something in there!

SOMEONE'S EYE!

AAAAGRH!

Suddenly, the door of the Uchiha Mansion burst open, and a fuming Gaara appeared from the other side. This instantly stopped the chanting made by Naruto, Lee and Sasuke. Gaara went over towards the 'recently distorted unsolved mushy stuff', and took the eyeball out.

"Sorry, this is mine," he said darkly, and left the room with a loud **_"BANG!"_** all activities in the room that was stopped resumed.

Okaaaay…

Disturbing…

Itachi looked back at the 'newly deformed baffling thick substance'. Yes, he was aware of his situation, and did not want the worst-case scenario to happen. So, he took the spoon, and poked the 'newly deformed mysterious gooey substance', and he can't pull it back out. Itachi tugged and pulled, and after a few minutes, managed to yank free his spoon, revealing what was holding it in place all this time,

A hand…

Gross!

After the pull, the hand descended once again into the deadly abyss of the 'only just deformed unexplained gelatinous essence'. This frightened Itachi, yet, fearing the worst-case scenario, Itachi hesitated, and allowed the gooey evil into his mouth…

And the taste was?

TERRIBLE!

Itachi gagged a few times, and almost spewed. But this was his break, as Naruto, Lee and Sasuke dropped their fresh-from-the-kitchen weaponry and cheered, "**_HE LOVED IT!" _**Yelled Naruto, Lee and Sasuke. Itachi noted that they dropped their guard, and tossed the bowl of 'lately warped inexplicable mushy substance' towards Sasuke, which hit Sasuke squarely in the forehead.

Resulting in…

Sakura dying of shock,

Sasuke screaming and withering in pain,

And the 'not long distorted unsolved gooey stuff' spilling on Naruto and Lee.

Just at that very particular moment, Hinata came in, carrying five box of pocky, seeing Sakura dead, Sasuke in the verge of dying, and Lee and Naruto fighting off the 'recently deformed puzzling gooey essence of evil'. She stared in shock, with an extra big sweatdrop. Itachi spotted ALL of the heavenly decent food, and snatched all of it from Hinata, and headed for his nursery, consuming the only honest food left.

"Ano… what happened here?" asked Hinata.

* * *

And… that's the end of my fifth chappie… I know it's confusing, BUT I LIKE IT! So, hah! There! Please…

_**RATE AND REVIEW! THANK YOU!**_

BTW, need more feedback on that 'Breakfast Wit Buddy' thang back at the end of chapter four. Cuz the next chapter might be affected by that. And I'm afraid if that I make my own decision, I'LL GET FLAMES! **_NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!_**

Anyways, REVIEW AND TELL ME! ONEGAI-SHIMASU!


	6. Shopping? I don't think so!

So, Itachi the cook it is… thanks to all who reviewed, and don't stop! Reviews are what makes this story worth writing, and reviewing would result in me being more happier, more hyper, and funnier, weirder, and result in happier, funnier, weirder, hyper and longer chapters… SO KEEP THEM REVIEWS COMIN!

And sorry again for the late update, like I said, I was having problems with my schoolwork… and it isn't getting better… -sigh-

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**Disclaimer: From this chapter on, I'll make the cast say the line, starting from NARUTO!**

**Naruto: Why would I say a lame line like "I do not own Naruto?"**

**Authoress: Uuuhhh… in case you haven't noticed, you just did…**

**Naruto: Oh, really? TIME FOR RAMEN! (Naruto said as he went towards the Ichiraku Ramen)**

**Authoress: -sweatdrop-**

**Authoress: ON WITH THE STORY THEN!**

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Itachi was in some sort of strange place, and he was standing in front of an Arabic style door. He was seventeen again, and wearing the Akatsuki cloak. Itachi looked from left to right, astounded. There was nothing else around him except pink, puffy clouds, and the door.

"_Looks like I have no other choice" _thought Itachi as he revealed the other side of the door flap.

Itachi glanced around the room on the other side of the door, checking for trouble. And after confirming it was okay, Itachi went in…

_**BAM!**_

Itachi turned around, seeing the door he came from had closed itself, and was starting to fade away. Nonetheless, Itachi was still composed, despite the fact that he was at an evident disadvantage. Itachi turned once again to the other side, and walked on.

"**Hold 'jya horses, doug"** said a voice from behind Itachi. He turned around to see a small, cute miniature form of himself, (Or himself when he was four). But the kid was **smoking** a pipe, and was wearing Arabic rich people's clothes. He was on a soft, cushiony leather ball-chair, (Arabica style) and was being fanned by two lovely women, who are using big, pink feather fans.

"Do… I know you?" Itachi said confused.

"**OF COURSE YA DO! I'M YEH INNER FOUR YEAR OLD!"** Arabic Itachi said before taking a drag from his pipe.

"I… used… to smoke?"

"**No, love. This, Ah picked up when we turned 7"**

"Right… and the accent?

"**This, Ah gout from your innear twelve year old… sweet huh?"**

…

"**-ehm- goin oun, there seams to be ah problem… (Takes a deep drag, and blows it out) Yeh nout in yeh 18 year old bodeh though yer 18 right?"**

"Yeah…"

"**Wokey, dokey! So, Ah have mah rights to take oveh yer bodeh!"**

"Wait… You're taking over… my body?"

"**Oh yeah! Sorreh, befoure we get to that, yeh gout a test to redeem yourself, (sadleh) and the test, is to udehstand what Shisui-kun said to yeh, and do sometin bout it"**

"And… how do I do that?"

The miniature Itachi went to the 18 Itachi, and pulled 18's shirt. He then says in a raspy voice, (and a ghastly breath) **"Think woman! Yeh gout one year, and ONE YEAR onleh. Goud luck, mahself!"** said Mini-Itachi…

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Itachi woke up once again in the nursery. He noted that he fell asleep during his pocky consuming, and sighed. He knew very well that his dream wasn't just a dream, because he could still smell the chibi-Itachi's breath. Upon remembering that the small Itachi was also himself, he tested his own breath, just in case.

It was in good condition, and he sighed again (in relief). The thought hard on what Shisui said in the earlier dream… and couldn't. Itachi gave up, but upon looking up, he saw two googly-eyes staring back.

"WHAAAA!" Itachi screamed as he backed away in shock and self-defense.

"Awww… I didn't mean to scare you…" said the eyes, who was in fact, Sakura. _"Well, you did it anyway, congrats"_ Itachi thought darkly. Now, he spots the bowl of something in Sakura's hands. It looked better than the mysterious gooey substance, yet still unsuitable for eating, or inedible. Sakura flashed her sweetest smile as she left the room. "Enjoy your lunch," she said.

Itachi stared glumly at the stuff in the bowl. He remembered Hinata's pocky, and took it out of his pocket to consume the only edible thing in the mansion.

Crunch, crunch.

He finished the first stick.

But just as he reached for the second one, he stopped. What if this pocky _was _the only thing he _can_ eat in this whole mansion? That means, if he finishes it all, HE **WON'T BE ABLE TO EAT ANYTHING!** So, reluctantly, he kept the rest of the pocky, and spilled the inedible stuff in the bowl somewhere, so that he doesn't have to face Sakura's wrath. (A/N In case y'all are wondering about the timeline, it's on the same day as the 'Mysteries of Breakfast', only its lunchtime)

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_**HALF AN HOUR LATER…**_

Our _'Katsuhiro-chan'_ was bought to the mall, by Sasuke, (Who, sadly, didn't die) Sakura, (Who was revived by god-knows-what) Naruto, (Who, while on his heroic fight with the newly malformed mystifying gelatinous substance, was mysteriously attached to Lee, and well… still fighting off the only just deformed puzzling jellylike stuff) and Lee (Who was stuck to Naruto) after a hunger-a-fying half an hour alone in the nursery with mounds of pocky, stored away. Luckily, the temptation was over, but the torture was just about to begin! And the torture was especially for Ita… err… _'Katsuhiro-chan'_

All of them entered the "Mall Of The Future Hokage, UZUMAKI NARUTO!" (Hey, It is the Naruto world!) And looked around for what they have to buy, which was _'Katsuhiro'_s clothes, by the way, since he only has like… two pairs… and although the Naruto gang seemingly only have one set of clothes throughout a whole year, but in reality, the have all the same types of clothes hung up in their closet. HUNDREDS AND HUNDREDS OF COPIES OF THEM! MAYBE EVEN MILLIONS! So, '_Katsuhiro-chan'_ should have like…. HUNDREDS AND HUNDREDS OF COPIES OF HIS OWN CLOTHES! MAYBE EVEN MILLIONS! Hence, this explains the mall's overflow of clothes of the same type, shape and colour.

Upon going through the entrance, they saw that there were women everywhere, seemingly deep in thought, and in all shapes and sizes. And the occasional male, would be covering his eye (only one) or drooling uncontrollably (Most of 'em).

"Hmmm … don't think Katsuhiro-chan should be wearing this…" Naruto said, holding up a baby pink panty, (With a cute ribbon) and thus resulting in Sakura's fist to wander off into Naruto's head, and thus sent him flying to the other side of the mall.

"THAT'S BECAUSE THIS IS THE **_'WOMEN'S UNDERGARMENTS'S _**PART OF THE MALL!" Sakura screamed, veins popping all over her face and her ginormous forehead. (The panty was fluttering down to the floor oh-so-innocently)

"Huh? Really? I thought this was the exercise part of the mall" Naruto said, stretching a red bra and letting it go loose (Repeating it again and again) Sakura sighed, and walked away in defeat, while Sasuke grabbed '_Katsuhiro-chan's'_ hand, and pulled him away, in an attempt to make-believe that he doesn't know the blonde shinobi, and to avoid bad influence to _Katsuhiro-chan_. However, unfortunately for Lee, he couldn't do the same, as he was stuck to Naruto, and was busy trying to shift away from the 'newly malformed unsolved gooey material' slithering up his nose.

'_Katsuhiro-chan'_ looked back at the hentai shinobi, and followed in Sasuke's footsteps. _"Such pervert-ness…"_ he thought.

"_What is the idiot thinking anyway?"_ thought Sasuke.

Both Uchiha's sighed at the same time, thinking the same thing. _"Idiot"_

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_**MOVING ON…**_

After much "getting-into-the-wrong-part-of-the-mall", "Unintended-show-of-pervert-ness" from Naruto, (Don't ask me why the women's undergarments part was right in front of the entrance) yelling's from Sakura, and scoffing from the Uchiha brothers, (and not forgetting Lee's 'Grand Escape' from the 'lately misshapen unsolved glutinous stuff') they were finally at the right part of the mall. Yet, in the meantime of getting there, there was a plot to mislead, stalling, (By demanding to "Ride The Pony" for the zillionth time) and pretending to want to go to potty by _Katsuhiro-chan_, or Uchiha Itachi. He doesn't even want to _know_ what they'll decide to buy him, (remembering the events during haircut) but alas, they were finally at the children's clothes side of the mall. And Itachi can't help but to freak out and panic.

"I feel watched…" Sasuke said, gripping _'Katsuhiro's' _hand tightly. He is aware that he was a missing-nin once, and that it was weird for the Goddaime to just forgive him like that. Furthermore, he was hand in hand with a four year old, and that's so OOC, in addition to him being a really strong Nin. So, there should be nothing strange with him being watched, but he still can't shake that off.

Naruto came over with a pair of blue-black jumpsuit, and Lee came over with a green spandex.

"HE SHOULD WEAR THIS!" Both of them said in unison.

"NO, NOT THAT, THIS!" they said together again

"THIS ONE!" Again…

"NO, THIS ONE!" And again…

"NOT THAT ONE, IT'S GHASTLY!" Yet again…

Ita… err… _Katsuhiro _covered his ears, and his heart to the possibility of hope, for it seems unpromising that he would look like a normal **human being…** Suddenly…

Yes… suddenly…

Suddenly, from the misty depths of the "Mall Of The Future Hokage, UZUMAKI NARUTO!" Hinata comes out of nowhere with a pair of jacket with zip, and a pair of shorts. I don't know how to describe it, but it looks cool, and suits a small, cute four-year-old kid at the same time. And most importantly, it has a high collar shirt, for the angsty, Uchiha look.

Perfect.

In fact, it's brilliant!

So, this is one of Hinata's talents. Searching through the mall to find the perfect out fit for our favourite _'Katsuhiro-chan'._

"Will this do?" she asked, blushing.

"_HALLELUYAH!"_ Itachi mentally cheered. (A/N Yes… Hinata comes out of nowhere and saves the day… -sweatdrop-)

Yes… the heavenly pair of clothing was on its way to _Katsuhiro, _and on it's way to its rightful owner… just thennn…

_**GLOMP!**_

However, the glomping wasn't upon Sasuke, but was upon Hyuuga Hinata, and the glomper was…

**HARUNO SAKURA!** (A/N Don't worry, no lassies)

"Oh, that shirt, is soooooooooooo totally like, 5 minutes ago!" Sakura said with her unexpectedly obtained accent of the so-called 'populars' as she picked up the shirt from Hinata's hands.

"It is?"

"Like, TOTALLY! And those shorts, are like, totally out of fashion, and they're like, totally wrong together! And should like, soooo be ruined!" Sakura continued again before dumping the clothes into a clothes burner, (A/n WHERE DID THAT COME FROM?) and also bursting another one of '_Katsuhiro'_s big bubble of hope.

"_I hate Sakura…"_ Itachi thought glumly.

"Instead, these are like, soooo totally gorgeous on him! (Squeals hysterically)" Sakura continued as she brought up an _**EXTREMELY** **FRILLY TUTU!**_ And put it on _'Katsuhiro'_. Sakura squealed in delight, fond of what she sees.

"What do you say, Sasuke-kun? Cute, isn't it?" Sakura asked Sasuke, who was disorientated by what _'Katsuhiro'_ looked like. "_He looks like some small, cute little **girl…"**_ Sasuke thought, awed.

Itachi mentally scoffed at the outfit, and was more outraged as a random five year old sent him a wink, confused with his sexual category.

" AI AWTE TWISH!" (I HATE THIS!) _'Katsuhiro'_ cried out loud, which shocked the stuffing out of all the teenage shinobi.

"SEE? HE WANTS TO WEAR THIS!" Naruto and Lee said at the same time.

"NO, NOT THAT PIECE OF JUNK, THIS ONE!" they said together again

"NO, THIS ONE!" again…

"YOU BETTER STOP TRYING TO SAY NO TO MY CHOICE, IT'S THE BEST!" and again…

Sasuke, Sakura and Hinata: "…"

"How could they say all those things at the same time, and say the same things?" asked Hinata.

"Probably the goo is getting to them…" said Sasuke. (They _are_ still attached together)

"Hmm… true, true…" Sakura and Hinata nodded in agreement.

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As the teenage shinobi nodded and fought with each other, our darling 'Katsuhiro-chan', or Itachi, was eyeing the lollypop stand intently. How he wished the blissful candy were in his grasp, and not to mention his mouth. Oh, the sanctuary of his life!

Itachi looked around for anything that could help him with his quest, and spots something in Sasuke's pocket.

Sasuke's wallet.

"_Hmm… knowing my baka-otouto, he could have done something so that no one can take his wallet. Herm… I maybe if I cry one more time…"_

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And the rest of the shinobi, ignorant of their 'Katsuhiro-chan's plotting, were bickering, and watching the scene in front of them as it turned out more interesting…

"**_KAMEHAMEHA!"_** yelled Naruto, as he shot out a yellow electric thingy, successfully avoided by Lee.

"HAH! I avoided!" yelled Lee, right before getting hit in the face by Son Goku (!)

"I will not let you hurt my friend!" he yelled, right before getting a hit in his head by a paper fan, whose owner was…

**GENJYO SANZO?(!)** -fangirl squealing was heard-

"Erm… Sanzo-ikkou?" asked Lee, Sakura, Sasuke and Hinata, as all of them turned to look at Naruto.

" I dunno…" Naruto said, shaking his head.

"Goku! You shouldn't be tampering in somebody else's rivalry!" Sanzo said, obviously pissed.

"Awww… c'mon, Sanzo, I know this guy…" complained Goku

"Erm… who are you?" Naruto asked.

"_Pretend you know me…"_ Goku whispered to Naruto.

"Okay,_ HEY, I KNOW THIS GUY! HE'S MY LONG LOST **MOTHER!" **_Naruto yelled, and Goku fell, anime style. "Hiya, mommy!" Naruto continued as he went and hugged Goku.

"HOLY, SH--! GOKU! YOU… YOU'RE NOT A VIRGIN ANYMORE!" screamed Gojyo.

"I am! I just… erm… adopted this kid!" demanded Goku.

"Oh, did you?" Gojyo asked, snickering.

"Of course I did!"

"-snickers-"

"Well, whatever, YOU'RE MINE!" Goku exclaimed, pointing to Lee, who was enjoying a cone of ice cream that poofed right into his hand out of nowhere.

Suddenly, they felt an evil aura coming from Sanzo. All of them looked, and saw Sanzo glaring in fury.

"**_ENOUGH OF THIS FOOLISHNESS!"_** He yelled, which resulted in all the fangirls there to squeal in joy, and bombard Sanzo as a stampede, all cheering, and thus, dragging Goku and Gojyo along.

"**THIS ISN'T OVER!** _I WILL GET YOU, ROCK LEE! I swear it!" _Goku yelled as his voice faded away.

-everyone sweatdrop-

-silence-

-silence-

-silence-

-HACHOO!-

"Sorry…"

-silence-

-silence-

-cricket, cricket-

-silence-

-silence-

"OMG! ISN'T THAT _ROBIN_ FROM '_TEEN TITANS_'?" exclaimed Sakura.

Yes, it was indeed Robin, who was somehow transported to the Naruto world, and was somehow... shopping? He was afterwards, buried under a sea of fans, all wanting his autograph, including Naruto, Lee, Sakura, Sasuke and Hinata.

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_**BACK TO ITACHI…**_

"-snickers-" Ai awve gotwen Chachuke's wawwet! MWAHAHAHA!" (I have gotten Sasuke's wallet! MWAHAHAHA!) Chuckled Itachi as he went away, (He thanks the Sanzo-Ikkou). He has the long desired lolly in his mouth, and was now on his way to do more shopping, with Sasuke's MASTER CARD. What joy, as he tried on caps and stuff, all to his own liking. Even the sales**women** are being nice to him, and understanding his every word. Also, they always give him more **FREE **stuff, due to the fact that he was only four, and was doing his own shopping.

"_Hmm… nice…"_ Itachi thought, trying on the cool-kid look. He stole a glance at the tutu he was wearing.

"Junk" Itachi said as he tossed the tutu somewhere out of the trying room, this landed right into Ino's face.

"OMG! This top is like, sooo CUTE! I like, totally _have_ to try this on!" Ino exclaimed before going into the trying room.

"How troublesome…" said Shikamaru.

"-munch munch- you said something?" asked Chouji.

After two hours of shopping, Itachi paid for everything with Sasuke's card, (Hey, it's also his money!) and was on his way to his so-called 'guardians', before he felt like someone was watching him. In fact, he's been feeling that ever since he left the presence of Sasuke, Sakura, Naruto and Lee. Itachi turned to the left, and saw a certain shinobi wearing a pair of cool shades, staring/glaring at him intently. Itachi suddenly felt scared, and left as soon as possible.

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Back to the 'guardians', they were all listening intently to Robin's story. Suddenly, Robin's Teen Titan thingy started to sound.

"And I was like… (Teen Titan Thingy sounds) Oh, gotta go"

"WHY, MY BELOVED?" asked all _'Katsuhiro's'_ guardians, including the guys…

"I've got some Slade to kill…" said Robin, right before he sprouted bird's wings and flew away.

"We shall miss you…" said all of Robin's fans, all waving white handkerchiefs, symbolic of goodbye.

And, all mall activity resumed as it was, before. Just at that particular moment, Naruto, Sakura, Sasuke and Lee all noticed that they were missing a _'Katsuhiro-chan'_

"NO! WHERE IS HE? **WHERE IS HE!**" Sasuke screamed in panic, afraid that his older brother,_ Itachi_, finding poor_ 'Katsuhiro-chan' _

"Ai ewe" (I'm here) _'Katsuhiro' _said.

'Oh, thank god!" Sasuke exclaimed and hugged _'Katsuhiro-chan', _resulting with "awww"s from all that was present.

"Wait… where did all these shopping bags come from? Who was shopping?" asked a suddenly smart Naruto, which directed the attention of everyone to all the stuff Itachi had bought. All of them peered in, and saw clothing, worthy of _'Katsuhiro'_s wearing.

"_Maybe Sakura-chan bought them…"_ thought Naruto.

"_Maybe Sasuke-kun bought them…"_ thought Sakura

"_Maybe Hinata bought them…"_ thought Sasuke

"_Maybe Naruto-kun bought them…"_ thought Hinata.

And all of them nodded, and said, "Let's go home…"

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All of them were walking home, and has placed 'Katsuhiro' safely in a baby prem. Said person was playing with a rubber kunai he bought, (because he was too young to buy a real one) and was poking his 'Sakura-voodoo-doll' (Made with strawberry flavored pocky, cotton candy, Willy Wonka's Jawbreaker, and an ice cream cone) in the spine.

"Gosh, my back's killing me…" said Sakura. (Resulting in Itachi snickering)

"Hey, isn't this the spandex suit you wanted, Lee?" asked Naruto, who was rummaging in the shopping bags. Hearing this, Itachi gulped. He forgot to take that out of the stuff he bought.

"_I have to dispose of that evil piece of clothing" _thought Itachi.

"Ewww… take it away…" said Sakura, still rubbing her back

"Wait… maybe 'Katsuhiro' likes it, because he doesn't seem to mind it when we were shopping"

"_Gee, you think?"_

"Yeah, we still have to consider what Katsuhiro-chan wants" declared Hinata.

"She's right" said Naruto.

"Yosh, for that reason, we'll let him wear it tomorrow!" Lee declared, and was agreed by everyone else…

"**_NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" _**Itachi's voice echoed through the blue sky...

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------And that's the end of my 6th chapter. Hope you liked it! BTW, what do you think the inner four year old sounds like? Texan or hip hop? Oh, well!

_**READ AND REVIEW!**_


	7. Unexpected Meeting

I am sorry for the late update. I was, well, you could say busy, and I have a lot going on. However,

Once again, I have returned, to bring all Naruto characters misery!

MWA HU HI H AHE HO HO HU HI HA HA HE HO HU HI HU HI HA! MWA HWA HWE HWI HWO!

Anyways, I would like to credit **hellfire104** and **AppleGummies** for their suggestions, which I will use in this fic, or specifically, this chapter. Well, in a way, at least… ehehe…

Well, enough of me yapping, I got a fic to continue with.

**THANKS FOR ALL YOUR SUPPORT! And please _REVIEW!_**

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**Authoress: This time, I'll make Sasuke say the disclaimer!**

**Sasuke: NO WAY! I'd rather kill Itachi!**

**Authoress: Awww… c'mon, please?**

**Sasuke: Never.**

**Authoress: Don't make me go harsh…**

**Sasuke: Ooooh, wha'cha gonna do? Get Naruto to pee on me?**

**Authoress: Hmmm…. (deep in thought) I'll consider that, but I'll get… errrmmmm…. NARUTO TO KISS YOU! AGAIN!**

**Sasuke and Naruto: WHAT?**

**Naruto: I DON'T WANT TO KISS THIS IDIOT! **

**Sasuke: ME TOO!**

**Authoress: MAKE THE DISCLAIMER! Or I'll even get SAKURA TO _RAPE_ YOU!**

**Sakura: YESSSSS!**

**Naruto: NOOOOOO! WHY, SAKURA? –Naruto dies of shock- **

**Sasuke: NO! HAVE MERCY! ALL RIGHT! "Renegade Of Illumination" does not own Naruto, or any of its elements!**

**Authoress: -snickers- Wasn't that easy? Oh, well! On with the story!**

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Today, everyone woke up late, due to the fact that it was Sunday, and everyone wakes up late on Sundays!

All except Uchiha Itachi,

Or better known as Uchiha '_Katsuhiro_'.

He was in the kitchen, making his own breakfast, as he was sure, that none of his so-called 'guardians' even knows how to hold the spatula right!

"_Hmm… add a little more of vanilla… and pour over the bread…" _Itachi thought, doing as his mind said. "_Then I can bake it tomorrow!" _Itachi thought happily, finally getting some decent food for tomorrow's lunch, famously known as crème brulee. He had finished his breakfast earlier, which consists of pickled plum, some red dango, and some chocolate milk. He was now by the table, wearing a 'Kiss The Shinobi' apron, with a cool fire design, and Sharingan eyes placed around nicely. (Though it was too big for him, because it was custom made for 12-year-old Itachi) There was a stain on his left cheek, adding more to his undeniable cuteness. (It was also smudged, indicating a fruitless effort of trying to wipe it off)

"_Damn, haven't done any cooking in a while…"_ thought Itachi, as he tried some of his dango. Suddenly, a fly started to buzz around his food. Itachi scoffed, and shooed the fly away. Yet, somehow, it refused to leave, as it rested upon the dango.

"Oh, whatever, you can have some. It's doesn't taste like it used to anyway…"

After getting tired of watching the fly, he jumped off his stool, (He wasn't tall enough to sit on a chair, and do all this cooking) and went back to his nursery. There, he lied down on his mattress, as his mind started to drift away…

"_Hmm… I should start to think about what to do with myself being four again… god, it's annoying! I just **have** to figure out what to do with that so-called-riddle. FEH! Riddle! I don't even know which portion is the riddle!"_

And, after half an hour of thinking, Itachi decided to go to the '**TOP SECRET, MUST NOT BE KNOWN TO SASUKE, SUPER COOL, RESOURCEFUL, AND EXTREMELY SUPERB UNKNOWN LIBRARY!'**

However, there's one tiny, itsy-bitsy problem…

In order to go there, Itachi has to cross the room where Sasuke is sleeping now… Uh, oh….

So, _carefully, _Itachi crept into Sasuke's room, seeing that he was _still _asleep. Perfect.

Itachi took a deep breath, and took his first step.

Nothing happened.

Second step,

Nothing happened again.

Third step,

Fourth step,

Fifth step,

Suddenly, Sasuke started stirring, he tossed and turned,

And continued to linger in his realm of slumber.

"I wanna kiss the Sakura first…" mumbled Sasuke

"_-snickers- look's like the sleeping remedy does work after all…" _thought Itachi before heading into the the '**TOP SECRET, MUST NOT BE KNOWN TO SASUKE, SUPER COOL, RESOURCEFUL, AND EXTREMELY SUPERB, YET UNKNOWN LIBRARY!'**

Within its extent, Itachi started browsing the shelves, in search for something that might help him with his problem. 'Time Traveling' or ' Transformation'. Either one. So, he was searching for the 'T' section, but something in the 'S' section got his attention…

'Side Effects of Mangekyou Sharingan' "Hmm… I did use my chakra before turning small… could be a Mangekyou side effect…I'll check this out…" Itachi thought as he took the book out of its shelf. Itachi also took a **'The Fire Of an Uchiha'** book (It's about the techniques an Uchiha uses, and it's side effects) with him for reference. ONE HOUR LATER…

Nothing, nothing, NOTHING! Nothing at all that Itachi doesn't know! Blah, blah, he knows all about the 'losing eyesight' thing. Well, it _was_ happening to him…

Wait…

His, eyesight's okay! Itachi doesn't need his glasses to read! Oh, what joy!

So, maybe if he could find something about bringing back his eyesight in the **_'_The Fire Of an Uchiha',** he can use all the Tsukiyomi he wanted! MWAHAHAHAHAHA! (A/N What happened to the 'need to be 18 again?)

So, after his 5 second plotting of the uncertain future, Itachi flipped through **_'_The Fire Of an Uchiha'**. Suddenly…

'OMG, KATSUHIRO-CHAN, YOU CAN READ?" exclaimed an overexcited Sasuke.

"Oh, Lord, spare me of this grief…"

"OOOOH, WHA'CHA READIN? OH, IT'S THE UCHIHA BOOK!"

"_Every book here is about Uchiha's, you dumbass. Sheesh, and I was the one who left the village longer… Wow, Sasuke, after all these years, your still the same,"_ thought Itachi. He knew very well about Sasuke's morning hyperness

Itachi then attempted to resume his reading, but was rudely interrupted with Sasuke's errrmmm… giddiness.

"THEN YOU MUST KNOW HOW TO SAY SOMETHING, CUZ YOU'RE READING ALREADY!"

"I must remain calm…"

"SAY SOMETHING, KATSUHIRO-CHAN! I KNOW YOU CAN DO IT!"

"As tempting as it seems, do not harm Sasuke in any way…"

"SAY IT WITH ME, SHAAAAAAARIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNGGGGGGGGGGGAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNN…."

Itachi _still _attempted to resume his reading.

"OOOH, OR MAYBE YOU CAN SAY GOUKAKYUU NO JUTSUUUUUU!"

"_Spare me of this anguish"_ Itachi thought… He must not let his research be ruined by Sasuke! How did Sasuke find this '**TOP SECRET, MUST NOT BE KNOWN TO SASUKE, SUPER COOL, RESOURCEFUL, AND EXTREMELY SUPERB, YET UNKNOWN LIBRARY!'** anyways?

"SAY IT WITH ME, KATSUHIRO-CHAN, GOUKAKYUU… **GGGGGGGGGGOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUKKKKKKAAAAAAAAAKKKKKKKKKKKYYYYYYYUUUUUUUUUU……."**

Itachi still attempted to resume his reading…

"**GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU… NO JUTSU"**

"**OR MAYBE YOU CAN SAY NII-CHAN! SAY IT WITH ME, OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN…. OUUUF!"**

"_Ahhh… peace and quiet at last…" _Itachi thought, and carried on his long delayed study.

Sasuke, on the other hand, was on the ground, **'Side Effects of Mangekyou Sharingan' **sticking out of his head.

"Such… strength… in such… small… body…" mumbled Sasuke.

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MEANWHILE…

"**Search for them, _NOWWWW!"_**

These were the last words Deidara and Sasori heard, within the extents of their base…

"Deidara?" started Sasori.

"Yeah?" Deidara answered lazily, as he/she lay down under the cool breeze of the tree they were having picnic under.

"Why aren't we looking for Itachi and Kisame?" Sasori asked, his mouth full of sandwich.

"Well, why aren't you?" Deidara asked back, adjusting his/her forehead protector to cover his/her eyes.

"Well, you _did_ say this was a picnic to stock up, so that we have enough energy to continue the search… right?"

"Well, that's what I _said…"_ Deidara answered, smirking.

"YOU FOOL! THE LEADER'S GONNA KILL US IF HE FINDS US SLACKING!"

"What are you saying? We always did slack…"

"Yeah, I don't deny that, but this is his '**BEYBLADE'** we're talking about!"

"So?"

"Well, since it is about his Beyblade, he _should_ be out to look for Itachi and Kisame too. And if he finds us slacking, he'll **KILL US!**"

"Well, you go ahead. I'm not done _slacking_" Deidara emphasized the words in italic.

"I CAN'T GO ALONE! HE'LL KILL ME ANYWAY!"

"THEN, YOU JUST STAY HERE, TILL I WANNA GO SEARCH!"

"**NO! **YOU'RE COMING WITH ME!"

"NEVER!"

And as the happy couple bickered, they heard something crunching. Immediately, they stopped, and went to investigate the source of the noise. What they saw, was more frightening than they could imagine…

"Kisame?"

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BACK TO ITACHI…

"_Hmph, you chose one of the worst times to test my patience, Uchiha Sasuke. Sometimes, I wonder why I left you alive."_ Itachi grumbled mentally as he strolled along the very familiar path, within the beautiful spring air. (**A/N** I'm making Itachi do lot's of stuff mentally, aren't I?)

"Uchiha Sasuke… your little brother, I presume," said a voice. This stopped Itachi in his tracks. _"What? Who said that?"_ thought Itachi. He turned to the right, and saw someone with high collar, and his trademark shades.

"_Those shades… an Aburame," _thought Itachi.

"That's right, and the name's Shino," said the Aburame.

"U… wead mwinds?" (You… read minds?) Asked Itachi.

"No. Actually, my bug, Michiko does."

…

"She's actually really fragile, you know? It's cool with me that she can read minds and all, but her parents can't accept it, and they left her, so I…"

Itachi raised an eyebrow.

"Ahem… anyways, she tells me that you are actually Uchiha Itachi.

_**Suddenly, a fly started to buzz around his food. Itachi scoffed, and shooed the fly away. Yet, somehow, it refused to leave, as it rested upon the dango.**_

"Damn. How did I not see it being an Aburame fly!"

"And now, I have a proposal for you, Uchiha Itachi…." Shino said mysteriously, as he pushed up his shades.

"_Ok, first, don't say that name out loud. It's Katsuhiro now. And second, I'm heterosexual."_ Thought Itachi, not bothering to say it, as he knew, Shino can tell. Shino's bug at least.

"NOT THAT PROPOSAL!" Shino exclaimed, making everyone there stare at him. "Ehehe…Heehaw…" Shino laughed nervously. Or rather, made donkey noises. This made everyone go back to what they were doing earlier, in fear of Shino's idiocy.

"_Don't make me do that again…"_ Shino whispered. _"I got a cold image to keep"_

Itachi rolled his eyes. Whatever…

"Anyway's, for this proposal to take place, I need you to come with me to my humble abode. Care to join me?"

"_And what if I don't want to, you gay piece of shit."_ Itachi retorted mentally.

"Then I'd… I'd… uh…(_Dang, I forgot to think of the threat!)_ I'd, uhhh… reveal your secret to Sasuke!"

………………………

…………….

……..

"That's it?"

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Deidara and Sasori were given the highest standards in Akatsuki, (FOR NOW!) due to their _'ingenious'_ finding of Kisame. (Who was, btw, only skin and bones left, due to the fact that Kisame's mandatory provisions intake, requires him to eat ten times the weight of an average whale daily, necessitating that half of that weight must consist of marine life. And of course, he didn't, because he couldn't)

However, it is a little known fact, although not to us, fellow readers and authoresses that the finding of Hoshigaki Kisame, was by mere coincidence. Heck, they were just slacking, while all the other members worked their Asses off, literally! (Tobi almost lost the particular appendage, after attempting to enter Itachi's secret chamber, when Itachi's raving bunny attacked Tobi, and almost made Tobi die of blood loss…)

The leader was seated across Kisame, and was eyeing him suspiciously. What has Itachi been ordering him? It was, a known fact that Kisame sees Itachi as someone higher that himself, due to the undeniable fact, that Kisame asks Itachi, before attempting to do _anything. _I mean _EVERYTHING…_but the unknown part of the truth, was that Kisame _only _listens to Itachi, and no one else. It was lucky that Itachi still took orders from the Akatsuki leader, or he would've lost total control of our blue friend here.

There's just one problem now…

Itachi is NOT here.

Meaning that the Akatsuki Leader, aka He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Seen-Or-Named-Because-It-Makes-Him-Look-Cool-And-Looking-Cool-Is-FUN! Will just have to attempt to talk to Kisame, himself…

Meaning that extreme measures have to be taken…

VERY extreme…

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BACK TO SHINO AND ITACHI…

Ok, so maybe Itachi didn't _really_ go to the Aburame residence after what happened at the park. However, he did go to some kind of mysterious place, where the interiors, look suspiciously like some kind of cheap flat. (Shino blindfolded him, so he didn't know)

Another fact, was that Itachi didn't go there on his own, free will. In fact, he was literally dragged there by a swarm of Aburame's best friends.

"**ARISE NOW, UCHIHA KATSUHIRO!" **said a voice, as Itachi fell face-first to the floor. He looked up, and saw someone, teenager most probably, wearing a -stolen design from Jedi uniform, in Star Wars- cloak.

"_Don't tell me THIS guy has mind-reading powers!"_ Itachi thought.

"Nope. That's why I'm here…" Shino answered.

"Oh…"

"WELCOME, YOUNG UCHIHA, TO MY HUMBLE ABODE…"

"_Get on with it, what do you want?"_

"You'll have to be patient, Itachi-san. I think he's gonna start on another one of his speeches…" said Shino.

"_Great… another one of those 'Speech Wannabes'…"_ Thought Itachi.

_72 HOURS OF PAIN AND TORTURE OF HOODED GUY'S SPEECH LATER…_

"And that's why, I must defeat the Main House…" The hooded guy concluded.

"Oh, you're done, Itachi-san?" Shino asked, moving his Bishop three spaces to the right.

"_Nice move."_ Itachi thought, as he moved his queen into the ultimate kill. _"Checkmate…"_ he concluded, smirking.

"Woow… twentieth win in a row… you're the first challenge I find in years…" Shino stated as he stared in awe at the ex-missing Nin, who was now a four-year-old, misunderstood Uchiha prodigy.

"You… weren't listening…" The hooded guy said… gritting his teeth.

"OH! HOODDED-SAN! That was an AWESOME speech! Right, Itachi-san?"

"Oh, right!" Itachi declared, and both of them clapped. It's not like Itachi was afraid of the hooded guy or something, it's just that he decided to play along, for the sake of his newfound best friend! And for fun, of course!

"Very well, I shall conclude of this foolishness, and proceed to the main reason you are here, young Uchiha…" the hooded guy said. "I have called you here on a very important mission. An A-class mission they call it here."

"I have come… no… I was sent here, on a very important quest. And that quest, is, promise you won't tell anyone…"

"TEWW MWE WHAWT DWE EWL IC DA QUEC OWEDI!" (TELL ME WHAT THE QUEST IS ALREADY!) Itachi demanded. This shocked all the stuffing out of the Hooded Guy, and thus made his hood fly off his head, revealing

"HYUUGA NEJI?" gasped Shino.

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_IN THE AKATSUKI BASE…_

Deidara, Sasori, Hidan and Kakuzu were all attempting to make Kisame talk, but he wouldn't say a word. He kept doing "Feed Me" signs, and pouting. So, in the end, all remaining members had to give up, and feed Kisame all the food that was left in Akatsuki. In doing this, they cursed the Aktasuki leader, who somehow, vanished without a trace. What happened to the "Extreme Measures" he was talking about?

All members waited patiently, (and not to mention jealously) as Kisame finished the last of their provisions. Now, they'll have to plant all of those vegetables, and fish all those fish again (In case you haven't noticed, all Akatsuki foodstuffs are not bought. This is due to the fact that Akatsuki is running low on funds. And this, is because all finances are spent on buying new straw hats, because the members keep discarding them before each battle)

"-munch munch- -gulp- Okay, now I'll talk…" Kisame declared. This made everyone aware of what's happening, -besides the fact that they may not eat for another month. Thinking of that is just treacherous! – They all leaned in closer, interested in what shark-a-wannabe has to say.

"Where's Itachi?" Sasori asked, as he pursuing the leader's position. No one complained, as he was the most rightful one to do so. At least before the real leader comes back.

"I don't know" Kisame answered nonchalantly.

"You don't know?"

"Nope."

"YOU MADE US LOOK OUR ASSES OFF FOR YOU, FED YOU ALL OUR FOOD SUPPLY, AND NOW, YOU DON'T KNOW?" Deidara demanded. Although, in reality, he/she didn't do anything.

"Peace, Deidara…" Hidan said, although it was just an act, to assure that he doesn't fry Kisame on the spot.

"_I could've been looking for that lost puppy instead… at least I would've gotten some money…"_ Kakuzu thought darkly. Sasori, being the most reasonable one there, thought for a while, and asked Kisame,

"Where did you last see him?"

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_BACK TO ITACHI…_ (A/N I keep skipping around, don't I?)

"HYUUGA NEJI?" gasped Shino.

"Err… erm…" said the once hooded man, and in panic, he covered his face under the cloak once more.

"Are? Where did Neji-san go?" asked Shino. He glanced at Itachi, who shrugged.

"I am back…" said the hooded guy.

"Oh, welcome back…" greeted Shino.

"You were saying?" asked Itachi.

"Oh yes, the mission, is for me to…

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MUHAHAHAH! CLIFFHANGER! Sorry this isn't funny. But believe, me it's crucial to the plot of the story… (Yes, believe it or not, this story has a plot)

Again, I am sorry about the late update, as I am a very busy person now, due to the coming examinations…

Whatever…

_READ AND REVIEW!_

_Renegade Of Illumination_


	8. Konoha's Ultimate Haircut! PART II

Good day! Thank you for reading this fic, and I hope, after you're done, you can stroll down to the reviews part, and

**REVIEW!**

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**Authoress: Ok… (Checks victim… ehem… characters list) I still have Sakura on my disclaimer list… **

**Sakura: If I do it, will I get to kiss Sasuke?**

**Authoress: Uuuuh… No**

**Sakura: Awww… c'mon, at least an _almost_ kiss…**

**Authoress: Never**

**Sakura: Or, maybe if you make us do '_that'_, I'll make disclaimers for you forever!**

**Authoress: That's disturbing… no…**

**Sakura: FINE! Then, I won't make the disclaimer! –pouts-**

**Authoress: Who said _YOU_ were making the disclaimer?**

**Sakura: But… how many Sakura's are there in the anime?**

**Authoress: -snickers- I didn't say anything about Naruto characters making the diclaimer…**

**Sakura's from Cardcaptor Sakura, Soukyuu No Fafner and Sakura Taisen come along.**

**All Sakura's: Renegade Of Illumination does not own Naruto, or anything related to it, except Itachi, ("Yes, ITACHI IS MINE!" says Authoress) and this fanfiction.**

**Sakura: BUT I OWN SASUKE! –hugs Sasuke, who was in fact, just a log-**

**Sasuke: -Within a closet- Phew… That was close…**

**Sakura: –from outside- SASUKE-KUUUUUUUUN! **

**-closet opens-**

**Sakura: I HAVE FOUND YOU!**

**-Sakura goes in with Sasuke, but get's chidori-a-fied, and goes paralyzed-**

**-Sasuke goes to authoress, and screams-**

**Sasuke: I THOUGHT I ALREADY SAID THE DARN DISCLAIMER!**

**Authoress: -In panic with all complications on fanfiction- I know! I know! But somehow, I don't have any control over her!**

**Sasuke: YOU, WHAT?**

**Sakura: SASUKE-KUUUUUUUN!**

**Sasuke: NNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!**

**-This part of the disclaimer contains vulgar scenes (Famously known as fan service) and graphic violent ones, which, if typed out, would change the rating of this fanfiction-**

**Authoress: -eyes closed- I'll just get on with the fanfiction on then…**

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"And what I want you to do, is to…"

Itachi gulped in the thing in his throat.

"Is to make me… -ehm- my leader your infamous **_dango_**…"

Itachi started twitching madly, and Shino was worried about his condition.

"_YOU DRAGGED ME ALL THE WAY HERE, MADE ME LISTEN TO THAT GOD-FORSAKEN SPEECH, AND NOW TELL ME IT WAS ALL FOR SOME** DANGO**? SOME GOD-FORSAKEN **DANGO!**" _Thought Itachi.

"YOU DRAGGED HIM ALL THE WAY HERE, MADE US LISTEN TO THAT GOD-FORSAKEN SPEECH, AND NOW TELL HIM IT WAS ALL FOR SOME** DANGO**? SOME GOD-FORSAKEN **DANGO?**" Said Shino, receiving a look from Itachi.

"I knew you were going to get enraged, Katsuhiro-san, but Shino-san say's you are one of the best makers of dango, besides that of Uchiha Sasuke. I trust you are familiar with him?"

…

"Truly a genius, he is, to be able to win first place in the Dango-making competition by the mere age of three!"

"_WTF?"_

**_FLASHBACK…_**

"MWAHAHA! FINALLY! MY GREATEST CREATION!" Laughed an eight-year-old Itachi, holding up a spatula. On the table in front of him, was a plate of dango, in a very peculiar color, purple.

Itachi held up the dango, smelling it. Yes, this is so OOC for Itachi. However, it is one of those times when the full moon is nearest to the earth, and during this err… trancelike period, Itachi becomes… well… slightly demented…

"But how am I supposed to enter this in the dango making competition, because I, Uchiha Itachi, refuse to enter it with the name I have in my possession now! That is a disgrace for me, who is an Uchiha Prodigy!" Said Itachi to… no one in particular… (Like I said, slightly demented)

"NII-CHAAAAN!" a small, diminutive three-year-old Sasuke called. "Okaa-chan wanna 'cee yu!" he said. (**A/N** Is it just me, or is a three-year-old Sasuke more understandable than a four-year-old Itachi?)

Itachi looks at Sasuke in the slightly demented way, and laughed evilly, causing Sasuke to cower by the corner in fear…

BACK TO THE REAL TIME… 

"Ehehe… uhuh…" the -now supposedly eighteen now, but transformed to four- Itachi said.

"So, do you have what it takes to make the ultimate dango?" asked the hooded guy.

-sweatdrop- -also closing his eyes-

"Well?"

-Itachi opens his eyes-

"**MANGEKYOU SHARINGAN! TSUKIYOMI!"**

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"-snickers- _Luckily, I can still use Mangekyou …" _Itachi thought, licking the lollipop he dug out from the hooded guy's hidden pocket. He went back to the park, to continue on his 'Feel Good Walk'. Suddenly…

"**KATSUHIRO-CHAAAAAAAAAAN!"**

"_Sigh… back to reality…" _Itachi thought, going towards the voice, which belonged to Sasuke.

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After a full three hours of drama, Itachi was once again in his nursery. (With the rest of his guardians there as well) He distinctively heard the others talking about the breakfast on the table, and wondering who made them. Upon hearing this, he smiled to himself.

However the conversation after that, was much more quieter than the first one, consisting of all whispers.

All of a sudden, all of them looked at Itachi, and smiled…

"Uh oh…" 

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**THE END… NOT!**

Once again, Itachi is tied up to the evil chair, and his mouth was stuffed with… something that feels like a cloth, but you can never tell, with the crude feeling to the material.

And once again, Sakura, Naruto and Lee disappeared, and Sccissorsra, Rip Hair, Cut-Masterruto came out of nowhere with that grand entrance thingy.

"Three mysterious shinobi barged in, wearing Akatsuki-ish cloaks and straw hats. But instead of red clouds, the cloaks contained different designs.

The rightmost one contained randomly placed 'FUTURE HOKAGE all over it.

The middle one contained had Maito Gai's good guy pose printed all over

While the leftmost one contained 'I LOVE SASUKE-KUN!' all over it

Cherry Blossom petals fluttered around them and landed elegantly on the floor around the not-so-mysterious shinobi. The two shinobi on the right and left were looking away from the middle one, holding up their hands as a pose, while the middle one stood there doing the Action Kamen pose, (Shin Chan) Then, all of them stood up, and slightly lifted their straw hats, which this revealed a spiky haired blonde, a bowl-cut Nin, and a pink haired kunoichi. They then quoted together

"**We are the 'Cut The Hairs Of The Kiddies!' (New name?) We do all styles now, and even cut baboon's butt's hairs now! Well, if given the _'right'_ amount of money, at least…"**They all said not so together.

"Hey, can I join?" Sasuke pleaded

"NO!" All three of them answered.

"C'mon, please? I'll date you, Sakura…"

"I do not remember being called Sakura…" said Scissorsra

"Ok, too bad… I really thought of dating a certain girl called Scissorsra…" Sasuke said, smirking to himself.

"OKAY! YOU ARE NOW KNOWN AS **SASUHAIRGEL!"** Sa… er… Scissorsra said.

"WHAT?" said the other two members.

"But Sa… -ehm- Scissorsra, he hasn't passed the membership test of all tests!" Cut-Masterruto said.

"YEAH!" Rip Hair agreed. Scissorsra shot both of them a look, which no one saw, except the two, who suddenly went as pale as flour, and…

"LET'S CELEBRATE OUR NEWEST MEMBER, SASUHAIRGELLLL!" both of them cheered, throwing confetti around, and blowing those party stuff where when you blow, it rolls out, and spinning that spinny thingy, and also wearing party hats.

And, _'Katsuhiro-chan' _was still strapped there, staring in awe at what the semi-sane shinobi were doing.

"_Insane people…"_ he mumbled mentally.

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Sasu…no… Sasuhairgel was now dressed with_ 'Avenger'_ written all over his cloak, and decided to not button up full, because he didn't want to look like Itachi.

"AND NOW," said all four –plunging towards insanity- shinobi… hairdressers, "WE WILL NOT FAIL IN CUTTING KATSUHIRO-CHAN'S HAIR!" they all chanted, somehow, in perfect harmony this time… Somehow…

Katsuhiro, who now has the cloth thingy in his mouth, choked on it.

"_THEY'RE GOING TO CUT MY HAIR AGAIN!"_ He thought, panicked. "_I GOTTA GET OUT OF HERE!"_

'_Katsuhiro-chan'_ pondered on a way to escape the evil clutches of the evil trio, which just turned, into a… erm…. Four-o?

The four shinobi/hairdressers took out a chart, containing almost all the styles in the world. (**A/N **WHERE DID _THAT_ COME FROM?)

"Obviously, bowl-cut wouldn't do, because '_Katsuhiro-chan'_ didn't like it…" Scissorsra and Cut-Masterruto said together, nodding. This made Rip Hair go into the "It wasn't me" position again, mourning the death of bowl-cut hair, and Sasuhairgel to shudder the thought of _'Katsuhiro-chan'_

Suddenly, Goku came out of nowhere, and kicked Rip Hair.

"I AM BACK!" Goku yelled, proud. Only to be hit by a fuming Sanzo.

"WERE GOING TO THE WEST! NOT COMING BACK TO THE EAST!" He yelled. Hakkai, Gojyo and Hakuryu came out of nowhere too, and Gojyo laughed.

"Looks like ex-virgin Goku's 'hit'," Gojyo laughed.

"I'M STILL A VIRGIN! Unlike you…" Goku said, and mumbled the last part.

"What did you say, BAKASARU?"

"WHY SHOULD I TELL A DEAF RED-ROACH LIKE YOU?"

"Why you…"

"Hey, can't we do this another time?" Hakkai said, and suddenly went over to apologize to Sasuhairgel, Cut-Masterruto, and Scissorsra.

"ANYWAYS, YOU'LL GO DOWN!" Goku yelled, and went for Rip Hair, who disappeared, and transformed to Lee.

Goku aimed a kick at Lee, who suddenly vanished, and reappeared behind Goku.

"I'M NOT FALLING FOR THAT LAME TRICK!" Goku yelled, as he turned around, and aimed another kick to Lee's side. Lee avoided easily, but hit a pillar in the process.

"I AM VICTORIOUS!" Goku laughed, stepping on Lee's limp body. This resulted in another hit-from-the-fan by our favorite monk, SANZO!

"Let's get going…" Sanzo said, tapping his shoulder with the fan.

"I LOVE YOU GENJYO SANZO!" screeched an ecstatic Temari, (**A/N** WHERE DID SHE COME FROM?) and she hugged Sanzo's feet.

"What the… Teme… BOKUA KOROSOU!" Sanzo yelled, and tried to shake a daydreamy Temari off. However, his efforts seem futile, as Temari seemed glued to Sanzo's feet with ten packets of superglue.

"GET OFF ME!"

"MARRY ME, SANZO-SAMA!" Temari yelled again, giggling. Suddenly, Kankurou and Gaara came over.

"TEMARI! –looks at Sanzo- YOU! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY SISTER?" Kankurou yelled, pointing at Sanzo accusingly.

"NOTHING, YOU LOWLIFE!" Sanzo yelled.

"Hey, babe, why don't you leave temper-monk there, and go out with a real man…" Gojyo said, in a supposedly seductive voice.

"NEVER! I AM TRUE TO SANZO-SAMA!" She yelled, hugging Sanzo's neck this time.

"Why are you so obsessed over Sanzo?" asked Goku.

"Umm… because… because…"

"Because?"

"Ummm… -blushes- HE USES A WHITE FAN! I HAVE ONE TOO! –takes out her fan- Sanzo-sama… I've been watching you on Saiyuki for so long… -plays with fingers- and I… I love you… because… because of your fan. I mean, it's not really more than an ordinary fan, but you make it so special! I need a ginormous fan just to make it something more, but in the end, it's just an oversized fan… noting more…"

"Hm?" asked Sanzo

"I REALLY LOVE YOU, SANZO!" Temari said, with tears in her eyes. "I hope you understand…"

Everyone there were in tears now. Well, except those who don't usually cry. Goku and Gojyo were hugging each other now, and Kankurou's make up was ruined.

Suddenly, the unexpected happens… Sanzo took Temari's hand, and smiled ("WTF? IS SANZO **SMILING**?" Exclaimed Goku, Gojyo and Hakkai)

"I love you too…err… -Kankurou whispers "Temari"- Yes… Temari… and, believe me, your fan is not normal… it's special… even if you don't think so, I do… just like how I feel for you…" Sanzo said, _"YES! A **BIGGER** fan I can use to hit everyone!" _Sanzo cheered mentally.

"Really?" Temari asked, with tears in her eyes.

"With all my heart… Sanzo replied. "Now, let's go… TO THE WEST!" Sanzo exclaimed dramatically, pointing to the setting sun. And as he hugged Temari, they walked together towards the sun… to west…

Meanwhile, Goku, Gojyo and Hakkai cried their eyes out. And only when Sanzo and Temari were miles away from them did they realize something…

"SANZO! WAIT FOR USSSS!" They yelled, "KYUUU!" Called Hakuryu, as they chased after Sanzo and Temari in the awkward, mysteriously happening in the afternoon, and beautiful sunset.

"I'm so touched…" Kankurou sobbed, with his super smudged make up, and liquid flowing down his nose. He cried till all of his body fluid was gone, and looked as dry as a prune. Gaara patted his back, as he also supported his dying brother.

"Sorry to disturb you all…" Gaara said, as he disappeared with Kankurou.

…

"That was weird…" Scissorsra said.

"At least it's over, and we can continue our quest to cut _Katsuhiro-chan's_ hair…" Sasuhairgel agreed.

Lee got up from his pathetic position, and went over to _'Katsuhiro-chan's_ chair.

"Wait… where's Katsuhiro-chan?" asked Lee, who suddenly disappeared, and Rip Hair was in his place.

And sure enough, 'Katsuhiro-chan wasn't there. So, they looked around, and saw that he was almost twisting the doorknob of the back door.

"KATSUHIRO-CHAAAAAN!" they all screamed.

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_"Crap!" _Itachi thought. And right after he turned around, saw four shinobi diving for him.

_"HOLY SHIT!" _He thought, ducking. This made the four shinobi crash into the door, and pass out. _"I'm outta here!"_ Itachi thought, as he ran out through the other exit.

"KATSUHIRO-CHAAAN!" the four hairdressers yelled, and suddenly, four shinobi took their places, and went chasing after Itachi.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!" Itachi yelled, after noticing that he was being chased by four raving shinobi.

"YOU SHALL NEVER ESCAPE!" The four shinobi screamed.

Itachi ran along the crowded road, and hid under a cloth, to cover himself.

"_Is someone spying on me?"_ Thought Hinata, after she felt her skirt being lifted. She looked down, and saw a shaky _'Katsuhiro-chan'_ under its cover.

"Katsuhiro-chan?" she asked (**A/N **Don't ask me why she's wearing a dress)

Itachi put his finger on his mouth, making shushing noises. Hinata understood, and kept her mouth shut.

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Naruto, Sasuke, Sakura and Lee stopped, after seeing that they lost _'Katsuhiro-chan'_

"Where could he be?" asked a panting Sasuke. He never would have thought a four year old could run _that _fast.

Naruto spotted Hinata wearing a dress, "Maybe she's under Hinata-chan's skirt. Just the place an Uchiha would hide under," Naruto said, making Sasuke shoot him a glare.

"Only one way to find out," Lee said.

Hinata stood up, and tried to look normal. She was wondering why Sasuke's _little brother_ would be hiding under her skirt. Suddenly, she felt it being lifted, and saw it was Naruto's doing. In seeing this, she blushed.

"KATSUHIRO-CHAN!" Naruto screamed. Itachi laughed nervously, before waving, and disappearing.

"DON'T YOU DARE RUN AWAY!" Naruto yelled again, and the grand chase continued. Hinata fainted out of shock, and Sasuke, Sakura and Lee continued chasing Itachi.

"_What happened?"_ Hinata thought as she passed out.

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"Yemme gwo! Yemme gwo!" (Let me go! Let me go!) Itachi pleaded, as he struggled to get out of the grasp of Lee, Sasuke, Naruto and Sakura. Suddenly, the hairdressers were back, and they were wearing the most evil of all smiles.

Sakura held _'Katushiro-chan's _feet, while Naruto gripped _'Katushiro-chan's _hands tightly. Sasuke had his sharingan on, and was staring _'Katsuhiro-chan'_ straight in the eye, while holding _'Katushiro-chan's_ neck.

Rip Hair gave up using scissors, and settled for a chainsaw instead_. 'Katusuhiro-chan'_ was really crying this time, but Sasuke covered his mouth with a cloth, so _'Katsuhiro-chan'_ was powerless.

Rip Hair turned on the chainsaw, and laughed menacingly. The rest of the hairdresser's lauged with him, as _'Katsuhiro-chan'_ cried more, but was unable to do anything else.

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Hinata was worried about what happened, so, she went to the Uchiha Main House. However, just as she entered, she saw three Akatsukily dressed Naruto, Sakura and Sasuke pinning _'Katsuhiro-chan'_ to a chair, laughing evilly. She also saw an Akatsukily dressed Lee holding a working chainsaw, also laughing. _'Katsuhiro-chan'_ was on the chair, whose muffled cries and sobs saddened Hinata.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO HIM?" She demanded, crossing her arms on her chest. Sasuke, Sakura, Naruto and Lee laughed nervously, as they went in front of 'Katsuhiro-chan' to cover him. Lee had tossed the chainsaw out of the window, and it was now cutting off an innocent passerby's hair off. And the innocent passerby was in fact Shikamaru, who had just lost his trademark ponytail.

Hinata went over past the four guilty shinobi, and saw _'Katsuhiro-chan' _there, tied up and scared. She said calming words towards the **seemingly** traumatized child, as she picked him up.

"I can file a report for 'child abuse', y'know?" Hinata asked sternly. All the others looked down miserably.

"We just wanted to cut his hair…" they all said sorely. Hinata sighed, and said,

"That's not the way…"

And so, she put a mentally snickering _'Katsuhiro-chan'_ on the chair, and began to cut his hair. And by the end of the day, _'Katsuhiro-chan'_s hair only reached his shoulders, and this added more to his undeniable cuteness. The other four shinobi gasped in awe, as they took in _'Katsuhiro-chan's_ cuteness. Sakura and Hinata squealed, and hugged him, while Sasuke and Naruto just stared at_ 'Katsuhiro-chan'_ scornfully.

"_Not bad…"_ Itachi thought, looking at himself in the mirror. _"If this goes on, I'll just stick with Hinata all the way!"_ He thought again.

And by the end of the day, this story contained its first happy ending!

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Yay! My longest chapter!

As you all can tell, (Well, some of you) I'M CRAZY FOR SAIYUKI NOW! Especially **TOUA GENJYO SANZO HOSHI SAMA**! –fangirl scream-

After reading this, would you all be so kind as to stroll down to the reviews window, and **_REVIEW_**? Pretty, pretty please? –puppy face-


	9. Holiday Seasons!

OMG, GOMEN! GOMEN! GOMEN NASAI! I am aware of my lack in updates for like… a whole year? Yeah, but here's how it went…

One day, I decided to try and read my previous chapters, just for the heck of it. Reading it all… I finally realized… it was horrible! My grammar sucked like hell, while my plotting and all leaved much, much more to be desired… it was horrendous! On that particular moment, all my inspiration, plot, ideas… all just disappeared in a flash. For short, a major writer's block…

I attempted to continue on the story again for the next five months, but I never got over how the previous chapters sucked, and never regained my inspiration… in the end, I just gave up on it, and started various other fanfictions until I eventually forgot about this one

I did manage to do half of this chapter around two months ago, but I didn't think anyone would want to read this fic after so many months, so I just kept it in my computer with no purpose whatsoever… until I received a review from **Deamonic**, which made me realize how stupid I was not to finish something I started. Thus, in within two hours, I finished the rest of the chapter, and posted it. I am aware that I would receive fewer reviews than all my previous chapters, but I'll get this fanfiction back up! Even if it's the last thing I do! (Go me)

And now, on with the story!

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**Authoress: Hmm… who else is left? Ah, yes! HINATA! DO THE DISCLAIMER!**

**Hinata: eerrr…anooooo…m… m… me?**

**Authoress: How many other Hinata's are there?**

**Hinata: Anooo… errr… okay… r-r-Reneg-g-ade of Ill-llumin-n-nat-t-t-io -Hinata faints out of embarrassment-**

**Authoress: Huh? What the… HINATA! Oh, you're still alive… no matter… NEJI!**

**-Door bursts open revealing two bald and extremely muscular guys in tuxedo's and shades dragging a tied up Neji along-**

**Neji: MMM MINIMOHOIJOSDJHF! (UNHAND ME, YOU REVOLTING VERMIN!)**

**-Puts Neji on a chair that's made out of cotton candy, and removes the unwashed since three years ago pair of socks from his mouth-**

**Authoress: DO THE DISCLAIMER! OR HINATA GET'S IT! –points a spoonful of wasabi to Hinata's mouth-**

**Neji: Pfft, why should I, Hyuuga Neji of the Hyuuga clan, (Gee, isn't that obvious?) care about what happens to that weakling?**

**Authoress: … Good point… no matter, -snaps fingers- BOYS!**

**-The two bald and extremely muscular guys in tuxedo's and shades spoon the wasabi into the unwashed since three years ago pair of socks and hands it to Authoress-**

**Authoress: Say it, or I'll squeeze all this wasabi into your mouth, and make you chew the remains! –laughs evilly-**

**Neji: WHAT THE HELL? I'm not even IN your bloody fic!**

**Authoress: You're not? … Good point…Oh, well! SAY IT! –starts squeezing socks-**

**Neji: -Face turning blue- ALL RIGHT! Renegade Of Illumination Does Not Own Naruto!**

**Authoress: Good boy… -squeezes wasabi into Neji's mouth and makes him chew the remains anyway-**

**Neji: I WILL HAVE MY REVENGE! FOR I AM… -gagging noises-**

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Itachi was strapped to a chair, and was surrounded by four fanatical… people... All of them were holding scissors, chainsaws, forks and spoons, as well as laughing maniacally, as they provoked Itachi with these particular culinary instruments. Suddenly, they were all around Itachi, covering my view (**A/N** WTF? I WANNA SEE!!) And tufts of hair began flying around.

And when they were done, they put a mirror in front of Itachi, revealing the fact that…

Itachi was bald…

"NOOOO!" Itachi screamed, as he opened his eyes.

"_Just a dream…"_ he thought, and tried to fall back into sleep. However, he was unable to do just that,

As a very stalker-like Lee hovered above him with a pair of scissors in hand.

Out of shock, Itachi punched Lee straight in the nose, and used the sacred art of 'Sennen Goroshi' onto Lee's unfortunate… well… pet birdy…

And Lee moped all the way as he soared through the opened window, thinking of how it is destiny that he can't cut _'Katsuhiro-chan's _hair, and how much agony his little pet birdy has to go through in order to uphold the glorious art of bowl-cut.

Itachi, from inside the house, watched scornfully as Lee shot up, and ran for dear life.

"_Pathetic…" _he mumbled mentally as he went to bed, trying not to think about the nights events.

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**The Next Week…**

We greet the gracious Hinata, fanatical Sakura, somehow not in an angst mood Sasuke, traumatized Itachi, as usual hyper Naruto, and a fearful Lee the next day in a taxi, on their way to the zoo.

"This is going to be sooo much fun!" Sakura shrieked for the fifth time that minute, still wondering why Sasuke had to invite the rest of the people here. Naruto, yes, she understood, and Lee, well… probably as an apology for stealing his move in the Chunnin exams, but why Hinata? _"I bet she's seduced Sasuke-kun last night with a kiss or two… I must be on my guard!"_ she thought, gritting her teeth.

"Anosa, anosa, do you think there's a ramen stand in the zoo, tebbayo?" Naruto asked "'Cuz my stomach tells me it's time for lunch,"

"_Always thinking with your stomach…"_ Itachi and Sasuke thought, nodding. Sasuke was, however, astounded at how smart Naruto can be at times. It sent him shivers down his spine. "_He is not a human being,"_ was the only conclusion Sasuke can come up with, after much pondering, and decides to just give the topic a rest, due to the pressure of parent-err… I mean brotherhood.

Itachi was shrunk back somewhere in the corner of the taxi, that can somehow fit in all these people, and not to mention _'Katsuhiro-chan's _baby chair, and still have a lot of room for movement. It suspicions him. He did, however, decide not to pursuit the topic further. Remembering forcefully his recent dream, and the actual happenings, a week ago, he started to shiver and dread the hairdressers once more, and cowered to the corner of the bigger than it seems taxi.

……………………………………

Reaching their destination, each of them removed themselves from the taxi, and after a quick, one-sided game of scissors paper stone, Naruto paid the fees, and they went into the zoo.

"Whoa… there's like… animals… tebbayo," Naruto said, making everyone else sweatdrop. _"Now's my chance to talk to him!"_ Hinata thought nervously, as she mustered all of her courage to tell Naruto, when

"It's a ZOO, Naruto, of course you find ANIMALS!" Sakura yelled, holding down the urge to punch Naruto.

"_Sa… kura-san… How could you talk to Naruto before me?" _Hinata thought, heartbroken. "_This means war!"_ She thought again, with the fire of determination in her eyes.

"Eh? Hinata, you got something in your eye, tebbayo," Naruto said, with his face at a very dangerous distance from Hinata's. This made Hinata blush with a shade rivaling that of a tomato. Suddenly, Sakura's ever-so-ginormous head came up with an idea, and she gave Naruto a little nudge,

Making his lips touch Hinata's

"Let's go, Sasuke-kun," Sakura said, as she mentally snickered while she dragged Sasuke along, who dragged_ 'Katsuhiro-chan' _along, who refused to drag Lee along, who dragged himself along anyways.

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"Hey, Sasuke-kun, see the two doves? They seem to **love **each other soooo much, don't you think? And those two giraffes! They're such an adorable **couple**, aren't they?" Sakura was busy implying love to Sasuke, who was practically dying of too much worship. (**A/N **If he does, it's because he drools out too much body fluid, and dies of dehydration! MWAHAHA!)

"Sakura-chan! Look! The monkeys are kissing too!" Lee exclaimed, pathetically thriving for Sakura's attention, which was directed 160 percent on the dying Sasuke.

"Oh, bite me, you piece of overgrown broccoli!" Sakura snapped, shooing Lee away. This saddened our green friend, who shunned himself in the corner of a monkey's cage, mourning. _"Why, Sakura-chan… I thought you loved me…"_ Lee exclaimed pathetically. "_Not only did I fail to uphold the holiness of the bowl-cut, but I have also failed in winning the heart of my one true love… No! I have no more reason to live!" _Lee's tears were rolling down his cheeks rivaling that of the Niagara Falls. (**Kisame:** "What's that? Is it seafood?" **Authoress:** "YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO APPEAR IN THE FIC YET, NEMO WANNABE! GET OUT!" **Kisame:** "-sniff- Fine… -mourns in his fish tank-") a monkey, who so happened to be scratching his butt, decided to spare the tiny bit of pity he had for the poor spinach, and went down, holding out a banana.

"-sniff- Thank you…" Lee accepted its comfort, and took the banana, peeling its skin open.

"Hmm… this smells funky…" Lee mumbled, seeing the monkey scratch his butt again.

…

"Oh, well!" and he chewed on it once more. Munching and munching himself on the heavenly treat (Yeah right) suddenly, on his last chew, he spat his mouth's contents.

"GAI-SENSEI?"

And sure enough, there was Gai, still in his creepy spinach-like costume thingy… well, on first glance at least, as Gai's real clothes, were that of an olive green chicken. Lee was so astounded to see Gai, that he forgot that he was in a monkey's cage, and lunged for Gai, hoping to embrace him.

And hit his head on the cage, and died.

Ok, maybe not.

But he did slip on the banana skin, fall face first, and choke on the banana remains that was still in his mouth.

When he was over the pain, he quickly unlocked the cage, got out of it, and lunged towards Gai.

"GAI-SENSEI!"

"LEE!"

The background suddenly turned bright yellow with green spots; as these two love struck… veggies (?) embrace each other in a tight, bone-crushing hug.

"GAI-SENSEI!"

"LEE!"

"GAI-SENSEI!"

"LEE!"

"GAI-SENSEI!"

"LEE!"

"GAI-SENSEI!"

"LEE!"

"GAI-SENSEI!"

"LEE!"

Oh, I GIVE UP! You should know how this goes…

The rest of the posse, consisting of Sasuke, (Who was glad Sakura's attention wasn't on him for now) and Sakura, (Although she wasn't looking at him, still had Sasuke's hands and feet handcuffed to hers, making them inseparable and… well… one) had the biggest of all big sweatdrops in the back of their heads. So big, that the owners collapsed to the ground, unable to support it's tremendously heavy weight.

So where was Itachi?

He had somehow, despite being VERY tempted to watch the scene, crept away as it was the only chance of escape. Now that he was away, his first objective, was Hyuuga Hinata, who's codename was 'One-Who-Is-Safe' (Think about it, the only person Itachi is ever safe with is Hinata, so naturally, he would like to stay as close to her as possible. Running is not an option, as the price he would have to pay for it is possibly superior compared his dearly beloved hair)

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When we last left this loving couple, they were… erm… kissing… yeah.

"Err… I can explain, tebbayo…" Naruto stuttered, which is really kind of weird, considering Hinata looking very calm and all.

"It's okay, Naruto-kun… I-"

'_Katsuhiro-chan'_ chose that exact moment to glomp on Hinata (From above. Don't ask. I don't know either)

"Katsuhiro-chan! –looks around- Wh-… Where's Sasuke-san?" Hinata stuttered, looking away from Naruto as she blushed beet red. _'Katsuhiro-chan'_ smirked to himself, praising his perfect timing. Naruto also looked away, unusually blushing a shade of green.

"I feel sick…"

And the very next moments were spent on accompanying Naruto to the nearest drain, _'Katsuhiro-chan'_ patting his back while Hinata stood aside, not wanting to watch what happened next.

"I knew those pancakes were bad news… tebbayo" Naruto mumbled, and did his business again. Hinata still looked away with her ever so obvious blush, while Itachi looked around. And for one second, he thought he saw a monkey.

What was that?

Suddenly, after a few moments of rumbling, a swarm of monkeys came out of the Zoo, and rampaged on everything in their path. Destroying it all, and killed off many banana stands, thus putting their owners of business.

…

What the hell?

A memory suddenly hit Itachi like the bullet from a full load Sam & Wesson. The cage Lee opened…

He didn't close it.

Horror stricken, Itachi instantly dragged Hinata and Naruto out of the monkey's cleared path, and covered himself under Hinata's skirt again. Naruto and Hinata stared at him, but soon learnt why. As a sea of random mimes (Yes, those random people who go around and do random weird things without talking) rampage their way out of the Zoo, causing pain and misery to all!

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" 

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After Sakura was done seducing Sasuke, she decided that it was enough for him to at least get jiggy on bed tonight. (No worries, Sasuke fans! Its rated teen) she decided to go out, and saw people lying around everywhere.

What's going on?

So, curious, she walked around to check things out, kunai in hand.

When a mime suddenly popped out of nowhere, and dragged Sakura into a period of boredom rivaling that of Tsukiyomi.

"**NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"**

"FREE AT LAST!" Sasuke celebrated, as he freed himself of the evil clutches of Haruno Sakura, and ran away like his life depended on it (Actually, it kind of did) When he was away, Sasuke sighed loudly, but was soon in an offensive stance, hearing strange rustling noises. It sounded again, so he turned its way,

Only to find a cute, baby monkey with a hurt leg.

"Ah, screw it, you stupid thing!" Sasuke scolded the very much innocent cute little monkey, kicking the branch near it. "Scram!"

But the little monkey won't do as it's told. It hopped on Sasuke's head, and started messing with his hair. Panicked, Sasuke tried to yank the little monkey off, in hopes of making sure his wig stays on his head.

Too late.

At first, the monkey happily nibbled on the wig, but was soon unconscious, as a very evil entity formerly known as Sasuke hovered above the small creature. It's fanged lips suddenly curled up into a grin, as he gazed hungrily towards the monkey….

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"_Am I… alive?"_

Itachi would've been sure of decease, if it weren't for the strange warmth that came from Hinata's bosoms as she cradled him out of the Zoo while dragging Naruto along.

Well, trying to get out of the zoo at least….

The entrance was locked.

"What is this? Don't they care about us normal people without makeup?" Naruto demanded, stomping his foot.

"I think they're trying to make sure no more mimes or monkeys go out… they are very hazardous…" Hinata guessed, tightening her grip on Itachi-kun. And our supposed silent main character was still dizzy, due to the hour and a half with the insane fat mime, whom they escaped barely.

Itachi suddenly had a bad feeling… a feeling about Sasuke. Some call it brother's intuition, but Itachi wasn't sure.

A scream was suddenly heard,

Out of the blue, Sakura popped out of nowhere, running like an idiot before falling face first into a pile of crap. Removing herself from it's evil; she took a while to admire its effects on her skin, before running like an idiot again, and landing 'gracefully' on Naruto.

"Have any of you seen Sasuke-kun?" Sakura demanded, tears welling in her eyes. Naruto, Hinata and Itachi looked at each other, and shook their heads simultaneously. This made poor little Sakura cry out loud, and slump to the ground.

"**Looking for me?**" said a loud, eerie voice, coming from the direction away from the entrance. Everyone looked its way, and were so stunned, that they failed to acknowledge the name of the newcomer…

**BARNEY!** (DUN DUN DUN DUUUUUUUN!)

And thus, the lame excuse for a dinosaur started singing a very familiar song, which made all of our poor little posse cover their ears in vain, with hopes of lessening the malevolence music.

"I LOVE YOU!

YOU LOVE ME!

WE ARE HAPPY FAMILY

WITH A GREAT BIG HUG AND A KISS FROM ME TO YOU!

WON'T YOU SAY YOU LOVE ME TOO!

"**NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"**

Replied four distressed voices, which stunned the Barney. The Barney, hurt and shamed, shunned himself under a shady cherry tree, crying. And after less than a second crying, he was up again, but something was different about him. His eyes were red, and there was a strange symbol on his chest. It was black heart, with a red outline, and a cross intersecting in the middle…

The Barney roared, and shot out a ball of Goukakyou no Jutsu. This made Itachi cower under Hinata's skirt, (Silently enjoying the view), Sakura jump on Naruto (A replacement for Sasuke), and Hinata jump on Sakura (She _w_as on Naruto) but the Barney didn't seem to care, as he started clawing around, rampaging all in its path.

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Itachi stood cornered where behind him was the sealed entrance, and ahead, was the Barney, still with those glowing eyes and strange heart symbol on his chest… and it was hard to shake off the feeling of familiarity when he saw that symbol, like something you'd see in a game made for PS2 and is a work-together between Square-Enix and Disney…

The mystifying creature neared Itachi, who walked back slowly. Yet somehow, this creature seemed familiar… very familiar….

Itachi started to eye the Barney closely. Those lame, tacky pair of shorts… that Uchiha-ish look… the weirdly 'cool' cockatoo hair…

Wait

Cockatoo hair?

"Sasuke?" Itachi tried, looking up at his 'foster brother'. And sure enough, the mystifying creature responded, indicating acknowledgement.

"Wh… what the hell happened to you…" Itachi tried nearing the creature, in hopes of calming it, but it backed away, holding the back of its head.

A bald patch behind his head.

Itachi looked at him strangely, before his eyes widened up.

"SASUKE?"

The Barney somehow acknowledged that name, as it calmed down. Itachi looked back up at his little brother with sadness. "Sasuke… what happened to you?" Sasuke looked down sadly; as he hung his head low. Itachi mustered all of his bravery and went towards The Barney, stroking it softly.

The Barney smiled a small smile, happy that _'Katsuhiro-chan'_ still loved him, despite him being a Barney. It touched him. He cried softly, until the tears suddenly formed an acidic reaction, which made the violent Barney come back. It roared in anger, and ate everything in its path. Everything…

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"WAAAARGH!" Naruto shot up from his dreadful dream, to the disturbingness of 'Sexiness', one of Naruto's favourite songs in the anime 'Naruto'. (That didn't sound right…) Panting, Naruto completely ignored the upsetting song, as he replayed the scenes he had dreamt of... Sasuke turning into a Barney… him dying… the weird part was, he had dreamt of himself as Itachi in _'Katsuhiro-chan's_ body. Heh, now that would make him laugh. How is it humanly possible that a kid as cute as him is actually a homicidal maniac in reality? It didn't make any sense.

The annoying song repeated itself again and again, indicating the caller's determination in reaching Naruto. Grumbling, Naruto answered his phone, with a forced 'Hello'.

"_Hello? Hi, it's me, Sasuke,"_

"Deja-vu much…" Naruto thought. This was exactly what he dreamt of, when Sasuke asked him to the Zoo. "Nah…" he thought again. There was no way the dram was going to happen for real.

"What do you want, Sasuke-baka tebbayo?"

"_Since tomorrow's 'No Mission day, I thought that we could go out for a while tomorrow. It'll be good to bring Katsuhiro-chan out once in a while…"_

Naruto squeaked in terror. Exactly what Sasuke had said in his dream.

"_So were going out to the zoo!"_ Sasuke squealed excitedly, thus once again making his various fans and haters wonder of his true gender. Naruto had almost dropped his phone. It couldn't be… it mustn't be…

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO DATTEBAYO!"

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**The Next Day…**

We greet the gracious Hinata, fanatical Sakura, somehow not in an angst mood Sasuke, traumatized Itachi, as usual hyper Lee, and a fearful Naruto the next day in a taxi, on their way to the beach. (After much pestering from Naruto's part, they all finally agreed to go to the beach instead)

"This is going to be sooo much fun!" Sakura shrieked for the fifth time that minute, still wondering why Sasuke had to invite the rest of the people here. Naruto, yes, she understood, and Lee, well… probably as an apology for stealing his move in the Chunnin exams, but why Hinata? _"I bet she's seduced Sasuke-kun last night with a kiss or two… I must be on my guard!"_ she thought, gritting her teeth.

"Anosa… do you think there'll be any monkeys or mimes there, dattebayo?" Naruto managed to squeak out. Sakura looked at him strangely.

"Naruto, what are you talking about?" Sasuke inquired, making Naruto jump behind Sakura. Sakura was just about to hit Naruto in the head, when she noticed his skin being as fair as snow. And him being quiet. Dead quiet.

"Naruto-kun… are you okay?" Hinata asked worriedly. Naruto just remained silent. Sasuke decided that he had to do something with his seemingly traumatized friend, so he rummaged through his beach equipment, looking for something.

"Naruto, what's wrong with you?" Lee demanded, shaking the blonde haired Nin. Everyone was on his case now, seeing that he was upset. Very, upset.

"Naruto-kun…" Hinata said worriedly.

"Boo," said a voice from behind Naruto. Slowly, he turned around,

Only to see a bald, bright purple Barney

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH! TEBBAYO!" Naruto yelled in terror, and passed out cold. Sasuke removed the Barney mask, astounded.

"Woooo… one way to scare Naruto shitless…" Sasuke nodded, mentally storing this new discovery.

Everyone panicked in the bigger than life taxi, apart from the shockingly calm Itachi, who sat in his baby seat, enjoying a revitalizing cup of tea. He did, however, have a very bad feeling about all this. Very, bad feeling…

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After a mass panic and a mini World War Three, the taxi finally reached it's destination, the beach.

"Aaaahhh… the sun's just right!" Sakura exclaimed, basking in her surroundings. She could already taste it… her little moment with Uchiha Sasuke…

Rock Lee was overly excited. The beautiful sun, the breathtaking scenery… this would make training a zillion times better!

"IF YOU CAN'T RUN AROUND THE BEACH 9999 TIMES, YOU HAVE TO RUN AROUND THE FIRE COUNTRY 999999999999999999999 TIMES!" He vowed to himself a little too loudly, as he started his marathon. The rest of the little posse ignored the broccoli as if he never existed, as they started setting up their beach apparatus, while a very annoyed Sakura yanked Naruto out of the taxi, and tossed him onto the sand.

**10 Minutes Later…**

"Finally!" both Sasuke and Sakura yelped, finishing their little chore of putting up everything. The umbrella was up, the food laid perfectly beautiful in the basket, and the still passed out Naruto laid still under the umbrella's shade. Wouldn't want the blonde to get too much of a tan now! (Because we all know, it would look freakily weird on the blonde Naruto who wears an orange jumpsuit…)

"Okay, I'm going to go swim now!" Sakura declared, as she purposely hit Sasuke in the process so that he could see her new red bikini set with tiny, snow-like polka dots. Sasuke however, was too busy having a nosebleed, after he was forcefully reminded of Orochimaru when he saw a pale white snake. (How it got there? Don't ask. It shall forever remain a mystery)

"Oh, Orochimi… (Yes, Orochimaru has a nickname!) How are you now? Is Kabuto still annoying you? Oh, how I wish you were here with me on this sandy beach on this hot day, and we could both bask in the beauty of the sun together, just you and me…" Sasuke thought dramatically, making weird, dramatic poses in response to his mental speech. This annoyed Sakura, who was obviously being ignored.

"Sasu-…"

"OROCHIMI!" Sasuke screeched suddenly, when a massive nosebleed poured out of his nose, and he fainted due to lack of blood.

…

What the hell?

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"Ah, I don't think this will be a very enjoyable trip…" Hinata said, as she fanned both her heart's desire, and her heart's desire's best friend who also happens to like her in secret, but is somehow a bisexual and was thinking about a certain snake person before passing out. Sakura, now very much glad that she had chosen to wear the red bikini, was having a tan even though Sasuke's blood was all over her. She didn't mind what it was, as long as she had a part of Sasuke with her.

…

Obsessed much…

"Sakura, what are you doing tanning in the sun with blood all over you?" Kakashi appeared out of the blue, smiting the blood on Sakura's body, which somehow smelt… gay…

"Hunh? Kakashi-sensei? What are you doing here?" Sakura exclaimed, astounded.

"I was about to ask you the same thing… what are you doing in Hawaii?"

"Hawaii? Were in Hawaii?" Sakura exclaimed once more.

"Duuuuh… then what am I doing here?" Kakashi said in a matter of fact tone, taking out his Limited Edition Icha Icha Paradaisu.

"Okay, since when was Hawaii so close to Konoha?" Sakura wondered. Kakashi shrugged her off, when a thought suddenly struck him.

"Ah, it probably went like this…"

Kakashi was apparently a very popular character in Naruto, which meant that all of the Hawaiian girls who were around him in previous chapters had to at least once, glomp him. This was true, because in the three weeks of his vacation, Kakashi was glomped approximately 300 times per day. By mere coincidence, all of the glompings were in the direction of the Fire Country, and with every glomp, the whole of Hawaii moved close to Konoha by a few inches. So, because of all the glomps, Hawaii was now a part of the Fire Country!

"That… doesn't make any sense…" Naruto commented, frowning. This shocked the stuffing out of everyone who was in the taxi earlier.

"NARUTO! YOU'RE AWAKE!" they all exclaimed in perfect harmony.

"Huh? Was I asleep? Man, no wonder I felt so drowsy…" Naruto said in wonder. Everyone who was in the taxi, (Apart from Sasuke who was now down, and Lee who was having his marathon) stared at him.

"Ah, well! Time to go swimming!" Naruto called out cheerfully, and ran toward the sea in only his swimming trunks, and a float, which apparently, has a weird shaped head of a frog resembling the wallet Naruto always carries around.

…

"Okay, that was weird…" Sakura commented.

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And now, the long forgotten Itachi was staring at the prunatized Sasuke, poking at the shriveled up object. Wow… talk about a major nosebleed…

That was, however, the least of his problems…

Because Kakashi was staring at him so hard, he could have sworn that Kakashi knew that he was really Uchiha Itachi, one of the most feared Nukenins of Konoha.

Wait…

What if Kakashi knew that he was really Uchiha Itachi? Oh, dangnabbit! That would be really troublesome now…

…

"_Okay, I sounded like Shikamaru…" _Itachi thought, wondering how did he know Shikamaru

While in reality…

**Kakashi's POV**

Hey, that kid really looks like Sasuke… no… he looks more like that bastard Itachi… could it be that… Itachi… had an affair? And the woman gave birth? Wait… that would mean that the bastard made out in an earlier age compared to mine! No! This can't be! It mustn't be! No, I must make sure if this kid really is Itachi's kid? Wait… what if it was Sasuke's kid? Yeah, that's it… wait… then Sasuke made out earlier than me too! Younger, in fact! No, I must not have this! I must destroy all proof of Sasuke ever making out! But how? Ah, I know! I'll stare at the kid until he eventually shrivels up and dies out of the stare! Yeah, that's what I'll do! Yup!

**End Of Kakashi's POV**

…

Hey, at least Kakashi doesn't know…

Now, we go to Naruto. He was happily running toward the water, waiting to bask in its salty goodness. He ran and ran, and the water seemed closer and closer… so close now… Naruto ran, and ran and ran and ran and ran…

Wait… that can't be right…

"Wonder why I'm not in the water yet, tebbayo…" Naruto said out loud, as he looked down the shiny, blue surface below.

…

That can't be right either.

Naruto stopped dead in his tracks, and looked down once more. It was then he noticed…

He was walking on the water.

"Ah, no problem! I'll just have to unmold my chakra!" Naruto exclaimed, as he did a hand seal, and molded chakra…

…

That definitely isn't right…

This was when the thought struck Naruto…

He forgot how to actually go into the water…

…

What an idiot…

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**A Few Minutes Later…**

Sakura was busy having her tan with Hinata, silently kicking sand into Hinata's face, who also did the same. The girls were officially in a fight, for a really weird reason… a misunderstanding… Kakashi was still trying to kill Itachi with his super cool right eye vision, while Itachi still cowered behind Sasuke.

It was only now did Kakashi notice Sasuke…

"OMG! SASUKE! MY FAVOURITE PUPIL!" Kakashi shrieked, and hugged Sasuke dearly. "Oh, Sasuke… what did Orochimaru do to you? Did he hurt you? Where? How? Oh, you poor unfortunate soul…" Kakashi cried out dramatically, pausing to drop eye drops into his eyes. But he accidentally dripped it into Sasuke's eyes, and they fluttered open.

"KAKASHI-SENSEI!"

"SASUKE!"

"KAKASHI-SENSEI!"

"SASUKE!"

"KAKASHI-SENSEI!"

"SASUKE!"

"KAKASHI-SENSEI!"

"SASUKE!"

"KAKASHI-SENSEI!"

"SASUKE!"

"KAKASHI-SENSEI!"

"SASUKE!"

"KAKASHI-SENSEI!"

"SASUKE!"

In seeing this, Sakura cried.

"Why are you so happy to see Kakashi-sensei, and not me, oh Sasuke… WHY?" and she buried herself in sand. Hinata snickered, and snapped her fingers, making the pair of student and teacher to stop acting.

"And now, you can have your sundaes…" Hinata said evilly.

It was then Itachi realized that Hinata was safe no more…

**Back To Naruto…**

Naruto tried jumping on the water, but the effort proved futile. Naruto scratched his head. Sure, he was so good in walking on water, (Thank you Ebisu) that he was at the level that he didn't even realize he was molding chakra. And when he actually tries not to, Naruto was so used to flowing chakra every time he was trying, he didn't remember how not to. Yes, this was quite bizarre, but it's Naruto we're talking about here, people! Live with it…

"Hey, mister… can you teach me how to walk on water?" a random kid in a float came over and pulled on Naruto's trunks.

"BEAT IT BRAT!" Naruto screeched in a very OOC way. The kid suddenly cried, and went straight for his parents.

"Hmph, cheap bastard…" Naruto mumbled, when he suddenly fell into the water. The kid had actually helped Naruto to lose focus! This was such a major bizarre thing…

"_Yay! I can go into the water! Now, time to swim up to the surface!"_ Naruto thought happily, as he tried swimming up.

This was when Naruto realized…

He couldn't swim

………………………………………………

Sasuke was having a brotherly moment with 'Katsuhiro-chan', as he buried the poor soul in the sand. He eventually gave up, and pulled 'Katsuhiro-chan' out.

"Now you bury me, Katsu-chan!" Sasuke chirped happily, as he lied down onto the hot sand. Itachi sighed heavily, as he compelled to the order. Itachi eventually put enough sand on Sasuke, that the only thing visible was his head. This was when an evil thought hit Itachi. He snickered gleefully, as he molded chakra into the sand, making it as hard as a rock. He then later drew a very sexy mermaid body on the sand, ending with a neck that connects with Sasuke's head.

"_Haha, now suffer, you ignorant baka-otouto!" _Itachi cried mentally.

"Hey, do you like eggs?" Kakashi came suddenly, flirting with the Sasumaid! (Who had fallen asleep because Itachi took so long in burying him)

"Yo," Gaara appeared out of the blue.

"Hey, Gaara! What are you doing here?" Sakura cried happily. Gaara sighed, and pointed toward Temari and Sanzo. "Supervising the two on their honeymoon,"

Everyone who was still sane and on the beach looked, and sighed as they saw how cute they looked together. Suddenly, a blonde small kid, presumably their child, came crying.

"Mommy! Mommy! A dude yelled at me!" he called, crying. Temari looked at him consolingly, while Sanzo got Temari's fan ready.

"Who was it, son? I'll pulverize him!" Sanzo cried out. Suddenly, they all heard a cough, and turned to see Naruto, all pale due to the lack of oxygen washed ashore.

"There he is!" the child cried. Sanzo and Temari went toward the shriveled up Naruto angered, both with their fans in hand.

Thus… chaos ensued…

………………………………………………

Lee had finally finished 10 whole rounds on the beach, and was now on his eleventh. Well, this aim didn't last long, when he suddenly saw a strange looking man in olive green spandex boxers…

"GAI-SENSEI!"

"LEE!"

"GAI-SENSEI!"

"LEE!"

"GAI-SENSEI!"

"LEE!"

"GAI-SENSEI!"

"LEE!"

"GAI-SENSEI!"

"LEE!"

"GAI-SENSEI!"

"LEE!"

Okay, times all this by 10000000000

Eventually, after the strange marathon, Lee suddenly asked Gai

"Dear, holy sensei! What are you doing here on the beach?" Gai smiled, and gestured toward Tenten and Neji.

"So that they can have a wonderful date on the beach,"

Tenten had Neji tied up, and was now playing the 'Husband and Wife' game. Neji was crying for dear lord, as Tenten fed him with a gruesome mix of shriveled up snail, raw unidentified marine species, seaweed and sand, molding it all into a 'sushi'.

"Do you like it, honey?" Tenten asked sweetly/evilly. Neji mumbled something, which sounded vaguely like acknowledgement.

"Oh you do, then? Well, here, have some more…" Tenten said again, and fed the teary-faced Neji with another 'sushi'. How Neji cried…

"GAI-SENSEI! THAT IS SO CONSIDERATE OF YOU!" Lee exclaimed happily, hugging his sensei.

"LEE!"

"GAI-SENSEI!"

"LEE!"

"GAI-SENSEI!"

"LEE!"

"GAI-SENSEI!"

"LEE!"

"GAI-SENSEI!"

"LEE!"

"GAI-SENSEI!"

"LEE!"

"GAI-SENSEI!"

"LEE!"

"GAI-SENSEI!"

"LEE!"

"GAI-SENSEI!"

"LEE!"

"GAI-SENSEI!"

"LEE!"

"GAI-SENSEI!"

"LEE!"

"GAI-SENSEI!"

"LEE!"

"GAI-SENSEI!"

"LEE!"

"GAI-SENSEI!"

"LEE!"

"GAI-SENSEI!"

"LEE!"

"GAI-SENSEI!"

"LEE!"

"GAI-SENSEI!"

"LEE!"

"GAI-SENSEI!"

"LEE!"

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after the long day on the beach, it was finally time to retire to their homes. The nins had somehow managed to carry the shriveled up and destroyed Naruto into Kakashi's car, and they all drove home.

"Well, I have to admit, it was quite an enjoyable trip!" Sakura exclaimed happily. The rest nodded.

"But still, I keep thinking we forgot something…" Naruto said thoughtfully. All Kakashi, Lee, Sakura, Kakashi, Hinata and Naruto stroked their chins.

…

"Nah!"

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**Meanwhile…**

"Sasuke looked around for any form of help, in the middle of the beach at night, all alone…

"Hey, anyone out there? Erm… Katsu-chan? Orochimaru? Sakura…?"

silence…

"Anyone…?"

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And that is the end of this extremely long chapter! I know the quality sucks, but I have to re-get used to typing random crap. Anywho, look out for my next chapter!


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